Hold on!

-I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

-What are we holding onto, Sam?

-That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

The Two Towers - J.R.R.Tolkien

Policing

"The nature of the crime created hype in the number of rape cases registered in Haryana", claimed the Superintendent of Police, Hisar district.

From Delhi an ACP today affirmed that the 16th December case was a "stray incident".

Similiarly, Senior Superintendent of Police, Guwahati had said that the 9th July molestation incident was  a stray incident. 

That insensitivity is too weak a word to express the disgraceful comments of these policemen was prompted by the comments of Director-General of Police, "police are not like an ATM machine which can appear at the crime scene the moment one inserts a card."

Stray incident? In Delhi alone, there were 564 rape cases in 2011 and whopping 661 in 2012, till 15th December.

Delhi Police Commissioner believes there isn't much to be ashamed about, as he accounted the increase to increase in population.

DCP, South Delhi today sounded too fascinated with her teams works post 16th December as they have now successfully nabbed all of the accused. She mentioned that people should understand and be happy about their "efforts". A press-conference to pat their own back, awesome!

There is a need to mention this. Recently, a girl who was raped in her village in Uttar Pradesh by four men, was then allegedly raped by a police officer who was handling her case, according to medical examiners.

Police.

These LAW-KEEPERS of India cannot even react properly, where they are expected to do some preventive act..

And these are just the things they say. Let's not even get started at things that do not do.

Stray Incident! Rape? What do these men-of-law want? A model of the horrific Rwandan genocide? Or perhaps the Rape of Nanking?

They should realize that they are appointed from within the system to keep a check on the crimes and keep the law and order acinery working, or this can happen to anybody.

Dated: 20th December, 2012

Conversations With God

I was looking around with my eyebrows stretched far out.

"You're trying hard to convince yourself that you aren't in a conversation with yourself"

"I am. I was. But there is something different here. Very subtle changes in the arrangements, still maintaining the chronology. This is it. This is definitely you. Unbelievable"

"Yet you are beginning to believe. How strong the same belief is, is what determines how much weight the information in this conversation carries."

"See this! One, this isn't a dream. Never this vivid, not even to a dreamer. There are no details there. Two, this isn't a psycho-babble to myself. Not just my brain. I use hyperbole like unbelievable and awesome all the time. Mostly overused. But I never instantly go back and correct myself! I try, honestly. But I am not that sharp, yet! There is certainly something external here."

"External? You are still bound in the physical aspects, even though you understand my form inseparable from your's"

"I am not physically present here. I am not consciously present where I am. Or perhaps I am not.. How did I get here, my conscious self?"

"It's for you to recall. You found me. Have your say."

"Right. There is something I have been noticing about the Nature which we, human beings usually ignore. The twinkling lights of the stars, sound of water flowing, the feeling of wind in my hair, the air I breathe in.. my heartbeat."

"The senses always work in appropriate manner. It's how the individual processes the information. Perception. Go on.."

"I had long been in quest of what the is called the question. The purpose of life. Why was I born, why this lifetime and why death? Rebirth, if one believes in it, why? Is it just a cycle, redundant in the complete chain of events or is there a purpose? The former made no sense, so I assumed each individual enters the cycle of life with their own specific purpose. And that purpose, it cannot be for the individual. It has to be for the collective good. An act that affects the individual as well as his surroundings. The society. The world. The universe."

"Perception, again."

"I couldn't contain the idea that each one achieves what he or she is meant to, i.e, without making an effort. For I've seen people being born and dying in obscurity, affecting barely handful people in their lifetime, and when their lives too end, our subject's contribution turns to null. So essentially, the purpose is to be sought after. I had no ideas. So I thought I'd just go looking, wander around, ridicule everything."

"Hmmm"

"And then these things I've been sensing, perceiving, started to take a shape. Metaphysics, I'd say. If everything we sense is a means a communication to the Nature.. the Universe.. You? Perception here ownwards.

What has been baffling me is why here, why now?"

"You know the answer?"

"If anything sustained before and after the big bang, as proposed for the creation of universe, it was a force, an energy form. That, keeping in mind the law of conservation of mass and energy. I am a huge fan of the anti-matter discovery. Anyway, if origin of everything can be tracked back to that same event, it is correct to say that energy form is the parent to this existence, everywhere. Undeniably there's something common to it all, to Nature.

Now, what if there's an active attempt of communication encrypted within these phenomena of Nature I have been observing?"

"And what if there is?"

"Then I know this isn't a voice. It is my thoughts. Words? That is how we think. I have tried thinking using colors, objects and shapes. It is slow and unrelatable. It is always some language we already know. Perhaps I am gathering words off whatever I have been observing?"



----To be continued-----

SOMEWHERE

Somewhere out there is an anomalous world beyond which there is no existence known, no codes for survival, but a true sense of being is felt; yet no solipsism and no self-absorption; but higher standards for truth. 

Certainly a better one, than this - the world where you fight for it, for all it's worth - your existence; and it is lied to, it is ignored.

Quarter Life Crisis

"When you’re losing control of your entire life it helps to focus on what you’re good at"

The more I think the harder it is to snap out of it. What. How. Why. These words are almost clubbed in my head - endless-possibilities; each time. The uncertainty is the bummer. The silver lining is that I see possibilities. Not like our young minds are most overwhelmingly fed - there's too little, and it's too scary, yonder. Never learned to listen to others, me.

The bitch is that endless possibilities carry a baggage of "maybe". And most people love to bark on it. I see people of my age talking of conformity. They talk of sacrifice as if it's a virtue. Some blindly follow. Some, they wait for time to heal. I don't understand this. But then their immovable faith in this unknown, irrational emotion is strong enough to induce a "maybe" inside me. And a "maybe not".

What if I have been living a lie? What if this is all just an amorphous figment of my imagination? There's a perfect backdrop. The world, an overcrowded box of limitations. The people, shrewd survivors, constantly tipping of you to jump off that free-rolling bandwagon. A guy who never listened to others, no? :P

Either way, the focus shifts from being a tadpole in a well and a whale in the ocean, to what actually marks the individual whale/tadpole's character. Purpose of life? No. NO! Hands up! I've given up on THAT. You can never know, not even the one's who've accomplished theirs'. The point is, whatever's done IS done. तासीर is somewhat the word we are looking for. 

I don't know what I'm good at. I think that's a part of my identity. Good at nothing. I suck, putting it mildly. A friend once remarked that we can be a fan of an action or a existence only if we assume we can't match that particular height of awesomeness. He went on, "There's an unbeatable competitive urge in our minds that plays the trick". Where you are a fan, there's no competition. I mean, yes there are acknowledgements, but honest fanship, very rare. Unless you are "GREAT". This topic arose over my acceptance of being a universal fan. Much like O+, the universal donor. Being a fan has been my identity for too long, blimey! I'm a fan of this music, that band, that footballer, the club, this food, that business-genius, that science-guy. Even friends, as I always tell them, there is that one quality that makes me go bonkers, and that's the respect part. Unnecessary to mention that without respect there is no sustainable friendship. What else could any relation thrive upon?  Love, compassion, trust -all that comes naturally, being a human being. Just be a good one at that.

What do I want? Every evening I go to the field for a run. A couple of kilometers' walk to get there. There are things I notice everyday. There's a rather popular temple on the way, always crowded. A gathering of the hungry ones outside the temple, who are in need. A gathering of the hungry ones inside the temple, who are in need for more. It's something I put on my list of brilliant-business ideas. A temple once belonged to Hanuman. Some time ago, Shani was added to the same. Apparently, the scary one and attracts most "givers". Maybe profitability wasn't good enough, lately Sai Baba was added to the collection. That one's in vogue. The faith. I see a huge bungalow with one too many cars, a drooler's paradise, that doesn't make sense to me either. People, fat cars, offices, shops whatever you can find on the streets these days, I try to make my exposure as quick and as small as possible. Once inside, all I have is a green of the field, and blue of the sky. The timing is perfect. Such that the temperatures are cooling down, and light going out. I just lie in the grass, and look at the sky. I see flock of birds flying over my head. Watching a number of birds loosely knitted in random shapes, organized to go back to their nests, very relieving. That is the best pat of my day. 

I once read a book called Avoid Boring (Other) People by Watson, the DNA god. I found his bird-watching annoyingly boring, so I'd assume it's about the feel. Sometimes I read a book sitting right in the middle. And then when I'm done running a few kilometers, sweating the lords out of my head, post the day-night transition, I lie down again and watch the stars. I often even remove the ear-pieces, otherwise in constant-ium. Everyone has by then, left. The silence, the purity, the nothingness, and the stars. THIS is magic. This is another one of my "best part of my day". Oh, I have just too many :P Music is good, to accompany all this. It's a good tool to avoid all the thinking, unquestionably the most effective drug, and I've had quite a few in my repertoire lately. But then it's not like always. I have had a tiny playlist of some 200 odd songs ever since my iPod's resurrection. Things change around us and they change us, even is a slight dent, sometimes.

So what do I want? To know this, you might think I am delusional. I've been called a loser. A discussion with my alter ego, a friend who is but precise; and I know - I want nothing. 

"Cause I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life.. Am I living it right?"