Tuesday 15 December 2015

Overheard In The Winter Silence


She was extraordinary. He was unconventional. Hers was the poise. His was the energy.

She felt like home. He was always around. She loved to sit on the porch, for hours together, turning nights into mornings, talking of the world in her own ways, embracing the rising sun. He had never felt the morning light to be as beautiful as it seemed in the reflection of her skin. Her hair smelt like coziness. And dreams. He was a dreamer.

Falling for her was easy.

He never made a choice.

She would often be gone too long. He could wait. She had that twinkle in her big, dreamy eyes. He was a seeker. She was happiness. He had found her. She was perfection. He was the refinement. She was buzzing. He was tenacious.

She was wilderness. He was liberation.

-----------

Everything was the way he knew it to be.

She was the only dream he ever had; now she was reality.

She was the only reality he still dreamed of. And each time his heart would skip a beat.

He could always make her smile, he knew.


-----------

There was an imperfect silence in the room. Perhaps words would lose their essence in that attempt to overcome the magic that these moments were. Their thoughts - shredded and grained by the spin of time into incoherent, broken words - desperately coated in their worldly skills to keep the pristine sense intact.

He endlessly listed in his mind, every tiny way that she had changed him every moment of his existence; her extraordinary ways.

The charm of the evening had slowly faded into itself, streetlights creating mirages on idle pavements, under the murky, uninterested night sky - every eye around searching for respite from an overworked day, a cozy place they could call home.


He had just faced the biggest fear in his life thus far. He knew she could see it. She knew where his comfort lay. Her face reflected that trust for him. He could derive his calm off it.

He tapped the last cigarette between his fingers. She smiled at him, her eyes growing bigger- those kaleidoscopes. The only thing more precious to him than the very passing moment - that innocent, honest smile.

That smile had always been his revelation. There's a child in us, he thought. There's a child in us that guides us as an innocent architect of the connecting pathways that lead us to each other. A sprightly, volatile child, devouring on the ambient energy to grow into a free-soul it was always meant to be.

He just believed in her.

Hers was the faith. His was the spirit.

In their own directions, they were growing now.

----------------

She was gone, maybe.

He had made her smile one last time, he thought.

He walked his way home, smiling like a fool.

He was trying to recollect and hold on to everything in his fast-collapsing world - everything he ever stood for and believed in - his ideas.. hopes.. dreams.. the smell of her hair..

His feet aimlessly stuttered along the streets, lost in the echo of her words.

"Do you believe in destiny?", she had asked.

Whether he did or not, he would find out now, he thought.



Tuesday 22 September 2015

Blown Away

I turn my head,
I am blown away
into this other life; an alternate world:
Where reality is crafted by euphemisms.

I'm not a poet, I'm not an artist,
I'm a bluffer and a liar;
And these temperaments I appease
are living bodies of dead men..

And the shame is mine.


♫ I'm a loser.. and I'm not what I appear to be..

Sunday 21 June 2015

Questions & Answers

Every few years, few on the cosmic time scale, a civilization rises to prominence. A certain specie creating an era of their own, loading their "success" on Evolution. It's a pattern, a trend - a phenomena we two-legged mammals are quite deft at perceiving (patterns).

Homo sapiens - Talking of our own mini-era, there has been a trend within our civilization.

Time and time again, we create something. A social, collective, collaborative thought - an idea that implies to a significant amount of people.

Count - is important. How many, is the question. This must be unique to our civilization, no other specie reproduced with the same effective rate, maybe. These thoughts, ideas are tiny pieces in what can be called the instantaneous framework of the civilization. A social tool. A mercenary law. Strength of the idea is based on general acceptance. Individual and collective interests that caught general attention.

What does the future look like? There would be questions. There would be answers. Some might go against this well-established, ready-tested "way-of-life" of ours. Taboos, rituals, beliefs, traditions are all implanted within the system, very eager to sustain the test of time. A perfect one-to-one mapping between a deviating individual's actions and the prohibited / unacceptable / blasphemous code. Avoid. Or hell.

The advancement of the propelling, dynamic civilization and the dilution of relevance of that static idea - these are two entities in opposite spin. Try to hold on to both and the civilization will be ripped apart.

Luckily,  there will be questions. There will be answers.


Shrinking in the prevailing winds, diffident to the first signs of the flock in the skies.. the rebellious sound of fluttering wings of the birds of change.. they strengthened their fences - as their sons watched. Thereon, generations grew up with scarecrows lined up around their conscience. A fear now floated in the winds.


That fear.. it had spread equally on either side of  those walls.

Wednesday 17 June 2015

If you ever hear this

There was misinformation creeping
through the wheel-ruts left behind in the heavy rain,
As the bandwagon tagged along your special ones
on the sodden roads to revelation.

Don't break your back.
Don't lose your trust.

I'll be doing my best,
I'll see you soon.



♫ See You Soon - Coldplay

Friday 17 April 2015

मरीन ड्राइव - 1

अपनी छाती फ़ुला कर, कमर को ज़ोरों से कस कर,
वो तो हवाओं में अपनी दास्ताँ लिखने निकला था
अब समंदर के पानी में जूझ रहा था.. 
कभी आती लहर के ज़ोर पर उड़ने की कोशिश करता
या ही अपनी पीठ उस लहर पर टिका गोता लगाता,
उसे औंधे मुँह सतह पर पटक देती वो

एक गुब्बारा था, लुढक कर पाने में आ गिरा था.. 

पत्थरों के किनारे झूठे गिलासों और तैरती बोतलों के बीच
न जाने क्या ढूंढ रहा था?
चमकती लाइट्स, घोड़ा-गाड़ी और चना-जोर-गरम जैसा
वो भी तो मरीन ड्राइव की शान था -
लाल निक्कर, हरी टी-शर्ट में घूमे रहे
मशरुम कट बालों वाले उस बच्चे की घीली सी मुस्कान था!

मायूस कर उसको निकल गया होगा,
अपनी कमज़ोर सी रेशमी डोरी का झांसा देकर!

हवाओं में अपनी दास्ताँ लिखने निकला था!

डोलता हुआ किनारे पर पहुंचा ही था वो,
पत्थरों में अटक गया तो
शायद इस लड़के को उस पर तरस आ गया -
अपने नाख़ून से उसने उस गुब्बारे को फोड़ दिया!

Friday 6 March 2015

Culture

Shrinking in the prevailing winds, diffident to the first signs of the flock in the skies.. the rebellious sound of fluttering wings of the birds of change.. they strengthened their fences - as their sons watched. Thereon, generations grew up with scarecrows lined up around their conscience. A fear now floated in the winds.

That fear.. it had spread equally on either side of  those walls.

Friday 27 February 2015

Patience

There's too much light here..

Too many eyes chasing us.. Their identities have faded out in the blinding of the bright reflections. They feel comforted.... having conveniently lost themselves, blending with our surroundings. These heads turn, shake and restlessly nod each time a voice is raised..

Each time I try to look beyond this gleam, I get reaffirmed that they use their anonymity in the crowd as a weapon.. They've convinced everyone that they are to be let off any answerability. They've convinced everyone that they too are a part of this wrecking, downgrading system..

They've been trading off our smiles and miseries alike.. An idea of indifference ingrained into our minds, that has corrupted the very basis of human existence.. and replaced it with cliches and dogmas of societal models of civilizations.. An idea that limits the individual and destroys free mind and thinking.. The creative minds where birth of a revolution takes place.. The ones they fear..

All these men in power. They, who've taken control.....

Our patience has become their privilege.

This will change.

Wednesday 21 January 2015

Zara hat ke, zara bach ke!


Nothing stops here.

Not even at midnight. Even if you wake up at 6 in the morning, they're all still there. Or maybe they started hours before you sneaked out of bed in lieu of some morning peace. Or loo.

There's always people on the road. The sea-faces are always crowded. The road-side benches and footpaths have permanently turned into temporary homes for a certain class of people. Just the faces change, although no one is bothered enough to look at them. There's always BMWs, Mercs and Audis to look on the other side of the road. These too are ever-present in their un-stationary style.

The roads are dirty, everything smells bad. The air carries heavy dust. And people - they just walk into you. And each other, for that matter. In my last line, I just tried to establish that they have no personal grudge against you, they are all in a hurry. Sorry. Oh wait, there's no sorry. They just walk in any direction they want. If you bump into someone, you might turn an look back expecting a reaction. A kind word - or maybe a flying fist - anything. The actual picture is you won't hear a beep. Unless either of you is pinged on Whatsapp, just in the spur of the moment.

In my last field of action, Pune, people would touch the person's body and pull that arm towards their heart, in a warm gesture if they stepped on anyone's feet. And smiles were an easy commodity. Me too - I was busy charming the world with my ugly smile. In my hometown, Lucknow, if you bang into someone you could get a generic brushing - "Dekh ke nai chal paate ho?" Erm, am I expected to answer that or you are just wondering out loud, while mapping a character-sketch?

This city won't give you nuts. And vice-versa. You could ram into a person and they won't bat an eye. I think I might be tempted to dress up as half-monkey-half-kangaroo and hop in just to check if anyone cares to look at me. In recent days, I had grown a habit of smiling at people, right from the morning. I had communicable motives. Their returns drove me - "Ah! Another one down." This had turned into an addiction. Sigh.

You could expect the ladies to be kind to you in public places, but not in THIS city. Last I checked, I was being kicked and pushed by a few women rushing out of the ladies coach while climbing up the foot-over-bridge in a busy station. This one time, this lady was continuously trying to pushing me up with both her hands. Yes, YES, you are in a hurry. Sorry that I came in your way. Sorry that I even boarded the local train this morning. Sorry that I came to this city. Phew. I turned and put out my words in the atmosphere in a polite yet assertive manner "Dhakka mat dijjiye". Turns out ignorance is a welcome gesture here. This time it was topped with two knees on my behind. People, THAT is what happens when you step on the same step on the stairs as the person ahead of you and try to move faster than them - you kick them on the behind. Free information. Surprise. Hah, but do you care?

Local trains - there is always some guy digging their nose into your armpits as you try to cling to the top. And sir, did you check the humidity percentage in the newspaper this morning? When you turn around for decency's sake, that muchchhi-man in front of you just blows a puff, a *PUFF* of moist, smelly air right into your face. Right INTO your face. Oh dear lord!

Ye humse na ho payega.

In the last couple of weeks I have met three people who have claimed that they have seen me. Somewhere. To one, I was my shy-self. One other, I tried to convince that I was the star of the movie Taare Zameen Par. Damn, fell straight on my face and hit my nosy on the pavement brick! He said, "Na na - tu wo hero ka friend hai na.. Safari ka.. jo class mein first aata hai! Aap abhi bhi acting karte ho?" To that, I raise my eyebrows and think to myself - din bhar. The third one I clearly stated that it is not possible. I mean, a girl like her simply does not see AND remember ugly boys like me.

As I was initially wondering, do the people of the city ever look at faces? No doubt every random piece of crap looks similar to them.

Recently, I was standing single-framed at Bandra station, staring at the local train network map in the evening, or night as some call it, looking for any place to go but home. A little thing bumped into me a few times. I turned to look, it was a little boy aged 4 or 5 jumping up and down, tossing a 5 rupee coin in the air. That golden one. Barely clad in a torn, used-up school shirt and knickers, he was running around bare feet, trying to catch that prize he would throw up each time. Roughly summarising the purpose-of-life debate for most human counterparts, I thought. Too happy, for the unapproachable God's sake. I couldn't resist. His happiness was running viral into my veins.

I finally found some one to speak to in this over-crowded, yet solitary city. I taunted, "Kyun phek raha hai, roti nai khaega kya?", in a friendly tone. He said, "Phek nai raha hoon, khel raha hoon.." Ya ya, I lack social skills to start conversations. Pfft. Within a minute of interaction, as if he found an long-lost friend in me, and hid the coin tight in his fist and asked me to choose. Out of the two words he mentioned in "some" languange, I could only catch "sar". It obviously was a challenge to choose heads or tails. I voted for the sar. Huh, I won. I knew that only because he told me. Then he went, "arree nahiiii, fir se". I went for sar again. Like I even knew the other option.

He curiously opened his fist and started jumping in the moment of ecstasy. I had lost. He had won this time. His grin! Totally worth it.

That was one happy night. Not having seen a familiar face for so long, the happiest that they have gone so far. But now, I think of him, and I think to myself - I'll manage all right.


Ajnabi Sheher Hai