RUN!

"Into this world we're thrown, like a dog without a bone.."

I often feel I can't fight these abstract elements on my own. I'll end up being too lonely. Too exhausted.

Yes, I'm angry. Situations. Unwanted actions. Rude words. Apathy. Meanness. Jealousy. Stupidity. INDIFFERENCE. And justifications for the same.

Anger, I've learnt makes things easy. Hatred, distrust and disgust in general. For everyone. Fair game. It saves me the element of surprise when people betray, back-stab or ruthlessly murder your faith. Also, gives me a self-defence mechanism against myself developing expectations from anyone. Expectation is a bitch. I used to think expecting as much you can deliver in reciprocation is fair. But FUCK fairness. People who said that this isn't a fair world, weren't all whining.

Anyway, this anger induces a lot of energy within my body. And I feel the need to channel it, direct it somewhere. An set myself free. I run.

That has always been my passion. I do it with a lot of vigour. And then I think of all the things that have been in the past couple of months. My jaws tighten up. Regrets. Concerns. Shit-on-my-face insults. I pull my muscles together as if trying to run away. And the temperature rises. From my forehead to my feet. I find it comforting to push myself into extremities of physical activeness stretching upto the point where breakdown occurs.

Even when my lungs give up, I drag myself for some distance. Mostly thinking of situations where I should've put in some extra effort.

And thinking is an act I cannot avoid. The chain, true to it's continuous nature, moves on from one thought to another.

I have too many things to say. I just don't know how.

Some days it rains. My footsteps set deep into the muddy waters, splashing all around. The sweat lines on my forehead dissolve into the pouring rain. The green of the trees gets sharper and brighter. This makes my head light. This adds to the spirit and the vigour.

Atleast at the end of the day, I am tired. I've exhausted all my energy, satisfied my anger. I can't think anymore. I sleep with an empty mind, empty conscience; to start up with life as soon as I wake up the next day. But scruples, I hate them. This isn't how I am. I never stopped smiling. I never chose to forget or ignore or avoid, I just want my folks happy. And I have what will keep me going. INDIGNATION.


"People don't know what its like to be angry in the bone"

GROWING UP III!

Continued from GROWING UP II!

Another day I'd never forget, came on one of the playgrounds of my school. There was a belief in us, 7th graders back then. When you can't, you don't! It's cool to be that way. Especially when we are talking about a 1600. A 1600m race. A 1.60 kilometers race. Must've been a cranky mood, mine, that I took part! Or maybe because one of my friends said he would. Then we both did. 8 rounds of the 200m circular track. At the beginning of my 4th round, the first two boys were, well, galaxies ahead of me.. Reality check, I was as lanky as could be, they were beasts. I was 4feet4, they were both taller than 5feet6, I'd guess! But I wasn't alone, or so I had assumed.. 5th round on, and there was no one behind me. Shucks. What-a-loser, one might think. Maybe I did too. But then I noticed, there were just the two man-beasts ahead of me. Right, no one completes the 1600. Not unless you are a man-beast!

I knew exactly why, amidst my broken breaths. My lungs seemed seaming at bursts. Or bursting at seams, I wouldn't know.. my brain didn't work. Face was red, I knew by the burning sensation. Sweating profusely, I'd lost count. I'd lost the sense of position. My legs kept hitting the ground. And just as I was going to give up, even stopped, at the far-end, one of them shouting, last round, last round! Okay.. okay, I frowned. Let's complete it, half-a-round more!

Only to realize it wasn't the last. Fuck you, I might have wanted to say to that fool, only if I knew the words :P But save the embarrassment, I thought. Let's see where this gets you. A chance to land THIRD in a 1600! Oh-bloody-yes! And I swear, that day the sun landed upon the fields of Jaipuria School; bigger, brighter and hotter than we'll ever feel. And over there, I created history. Well, my own-personalized history. 3rd, in a 1600m. One of the most confident days of my childhood, as I look back at it, even though now I run 7km every day.

As I compile my words this evening, I had a fight with my mom.. she was throwing away my precious, old and apparently useless walkman, that I had hidden from her reach, GASP ..so far! Later I made her some coffee, and declared, "पर  अगर  आपने  हमारा  walkman फेका  तो  फिर  से  अपनी  लड़ाई  हो  जायेगी !" *wink-wink*

Then I realize my childhood was more precious to one lady ..much more than anyone, than me. And she's right here with me, reminding me that I'll never grow up ..never big enough to let my spirits fade, never grow up enough to let my energy down ..to let the excitement desert me! Kudos.

GROWING UP II!

Continued from GROWING UP!

You could have me running halfway across the local park in my underpants.. Not that you'd want to ..not that I was any comfortable with nudity even at the kiddish-est levels; it's that sometimes you just don't care!


I happened to know a psycho-killer when I was young. Atleast I thought he was. A PSYCHO-KILLER. I must've been a combination of genius and dumb, to be knowing that..and still cracking a joke on his face. Turns out, Mr. Killer wasn't quite accustomed to humor, or he thought throwing mud into my eyes was funny. So we had it, and next day I remember chasing him down with a cricket bat in my hand! Our local gangs, wassup brotha? 

Not destructive though, I was very much pro-anti-villains.. I learnt to kick some ass! Suniel Shetty and Akshay Kumar helped.. A LOT! Hehe.. reminiscences of that movie, "Tu cheez badi hai mast mast.." I know.. I know, you get it.. exactly the shit I'm dealing into ;-)


For me, schools sucked. Discipline. Rules. Schedule. Limitations. Homework. Shucks, never did that! Then I was forced to turn it into fun. My first bunk, if I may call it that, "happened" back in 6th standard; an English lecture. The bunk was rather thrust upon me by my Art Teacher - she was beautiful and I don't remember her name! - who made me wait after her class for some random errand(she was beautiful, told you :P ). And then, supported by the possibility of Mrs. Shefali eating me alive for being late, I chickened out.. Ms. Shefali was my English teacher. She was a bad-ass. VERY VERY! Aah, Goosebumps! She turns her head towards you, and you're a goner boy! It was more of a scare than a dare.


Every good time has a beginning, and that was just it. Reminiscences of the old Principal-guy chasing us down the corridor mark the epitome of a fantasy. After all, my bunk-gang had that MAP traced out! Including the abandoned Girls' toilet. And the circuit-room. And the carpenter's room. Who could beat us? Not even the architect of our massive school-building! And above all that super-shit, knowing exactly what time which staff-room was gonna be empty, was kick-ass-est! Countless minutes spent in those cool-down spots, especially when being chased - priceless!


Imagine this. On a rainy morning of August, the 15th precisely.. This girl comes up to me and tells that we have to sing this song after the Independence Day parade. Music teacher's orders. Orders? No shitting, but let's be real, she was beautiful too..not the girl, my Music Teacher. My Music Teacher. She had this aura around her..and she sang like a nightingale, only that I've never heard a nightingale sing :P


Reasons can be many, but the fate was decided. Perhaps one of the best days of my life till then. Enter John Lennon. That soothing voice, the lyrics. It would be many many years later that I'd idolize that man, and his ideals! But there was something about Imagine. Always!


And there's something about music. It takes me where I want to be. It's one thing that never fails me. If my childhood hadn't been shaped this way, I might have turned into a Pritam-fan, thank some people for saving me though :P

So it goes on..!! GROWING UP III!

What A Wonderful World!

Another day another story!
Sometimes stories are so vague and subtle that a description makes little sense. Though, that does not make them less important in life. They make up what's called LIFE! More importantly, I need this one right now!


I go out for a walk on an evening cool and wet, rains having washed the streets a couple of hours ago; small streams of water trickling down the slope. Trees are greener, with the green that could treat a gloomy face! Young boys on motorbikes vrooming past, splashing the muddy water upon the passers-by; in their own excitement. Just like old men walk by the side, some with their canes, eyes searching for dry land to step on. There's a glow on every face, a shine in their eyes. Grocers have a chat with their customers, sharing a laugh. Street lamps are already glowing although its still time to dark. Kids, perhaps living the best part of their lives, make the highest noise - running around, teasing friends and playing games. They don't miss a thing. Often the energy with all that innocence inspires me, and others likewise. 


What makes me love everything I see, what makes it so freaking special? Rain, the wonderful sky or people? Or is it something in me? I know it. For this one time, I sure am happy. I feel content. I am smiling.


A SMILE can change the colors around, a smile can wipe off all anger, a smile can make you fall in love with this world!




 At this place we go to for breakfast, for Vada-pav and elaichi-tea, there's a kid among the waiters who serves us. This 8 year old Nepali kid never stops smiling. NEVER! And he plays with everyone. You might ask for a Butter-toast, and he'll dance his way down to the kitchen, smiling, fetch your order, shoot* you with his fingers and tell you, "Jaldi khaalo bhaiya, fir bolo aur kya laaoon?" And mind you, you can't say no to him; you don't want to! ;-)
His innocence and peppiness induces a smile on my face, like most others out there! Everyone who visits that place loves him!!


He makes me think. Once I told a friend,  "this is how I wish life was!" The friend, is quite opposite to my thinking; not my opposite exactly; but quite contrary to the direction where I'd place my ideal (- makes no difference to me, its a matter of  choice!) He had other thoughts, and was quite surprised at my choice(of life). A waiter serving tea, can't get no education at will, working for his share of bread at such a tender age? List pointers and you'll find a million. I myself can!


But there is this theory all will agree with. Happiness. I could be someone be sitting in an air-conditioned room, sipping mango-pulp reading my favorite book.. or the new face in the TIME magazine's cover.. or an Olympic gold medalist.. or this.. a 8 year old boy working in a tea-stall. If I can be happy at all times, manage a smile on my face with no effort, be it out of innocence or wisdom, I'll have a perfect life. 


Diwali 2010, I decided to spend with village kids as a volunteer with a less-known NGO, who are whole heartedly driven to educate (a part of) the rural India. These people are happy people. The vibes around them are positive. And the children love them. Not the best of organizational skills, but their motivating force sure was a smile.. happiness. Working with those people and the children was quite an experience in my life!


A happy mind is strangely a busy mind - busy enough to give hate, jealousy and vanity a skip. Each one finds his/her own wisdom, and owns his/her own innocence. Give no reasons to smile and no reason to love this world!

I see trees of green, red roses too,

I see them bloom, for me and you;

and I think to myself,

What a wonderful world!

Something that inspired this thought, click on the lines above for the video - you know the man: Louis Armstrong. I bet you can't help but SMILE! :)

Possessions

The other day I was wondering how sophisticated these kids(who are under-12 right now) are gonna grow up to be! To my inquisitive self, my father would often tell me how things were different when he was a teenager, and "moving on" has been the mantra of their generation. And rightly so, keeping in my mind the technical and cultural advancement in all these years! He had to listen to the commentary for Hockey and Cricket on a transistor. Although Desi Ghee costed around 15-a-kilo, a motor-car was reserved for the filthy rich and well-to-do! Long queues for Trunk calls, Chitrahaar on Doordarshan.. (if you know all this, I've perhaps made my point, if not - I'm just boring you :P) The point is, I was wondering, now that I'm in my 20s, how distinctly did we grow up?


The immediate thing that came to my mind was, being a boy - a Cricket BAT! You could win the world if you own that.. and now all you need is balls! And not just any ball - Cosco! or even Khanna would suffice! These costed us gang around 25 bucks; and buying a leather ball was a totally different affair. Pocket money doesn't buy those balls! ;-)


I would have to be a sucker critic to claim that this was all I ever cherished. But as I said, I could immediately recall and re-paint my favorite Bat :)
Sad enough, I don't even have a picture of it; infact none of my possessions.. which I took a lot of time to figure out! So I'll now shut up, and put up a few 'things' here - these are absolutely personal and our choices do differ.... but maybe and just maybe, I remind you of something similar! And then you can go on smiling about how-funny-those-time-were.. PRICELESS!




What if I say the following were my fantasies.. PG-500, Gypsy or Beta? No sire, they are not cool names of cellphones from the XYZ brand..

Gypsy, boiiii; How bad I'd flaunt it !! ;-) Add Gel Pens were quite the thing to keep in your school-bag! PG-500 was absolute class; smooth-ass pen for the marathon notes the teachers try to spoon-feed!
And Parker's Beta, it has a story! I won the first debate competition I took part in, at school level. And this was a souvenir. Grand.

Although a freak about these rather common pens, I never completed my homework. I think standard VI was the last I maintained a note-book! Rules and me :/ As much as music interests me now, I could have done anything that could eat up my "homework-cum-study-time". A Philips Cassette Player or WALKMAN was just the thing! No iPods, mp3 players for this kid, not even a disc-man! ;-)


You'll know its hard to find images of the exact one on the internet for obvious reasons, but this was pretty much it. Automatic Stop, thats what it read!
AA Batteries and a cassette that could hold only 10 to 12 songs - but you are the king, and you know it!

Surely it was not that we didn't have gadgets while growing up. Because no one grew up without playing Tetris, even if it sucked(in your head, big time!) You got to have atleast touched that thing!
Suck-up all you PSP freaks! An ALL-WINNER is here!


The BRICK GAME!


Where Brick Game was a HUGE thing to be fiddling with, the TV Video Game had its own special place. SEGA is the only one I can recall for now. You see I didn't have one until I was in the 8th standard, so I couldn't quite master all those games except Mario for one! Because before I could, I had lost interest in sitting infront of the television, or at home, or apparently I had screwed my Joystick toooo soon to be reporting it to my father.. to replace it :P



Oh yes, I had that trendy-colored "educational" one, and a 64 in one classic.












Adding to the list I much adore, I had a Casio keyboard right from when I was 7 years old! Still have it at home, as a piece of.. well, it still works ;-) Achievement, I know!!
That's where I learned the Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti-Do's and the Sa-Re-Ga-Ma-Pa-Dha-Ni-Sa's ;-) And some sick jingles I won't wanna mention here :/




These things are things that one.. or me, to be specific, would use for a particular time in a day. But there was something that was actually a part of me 24x7.. Flesh and blood, shall we call it gentlemen and ladies!


My wrist watch! er, watches! The first one I owned was a Maxima, which was unbeatably water-proof; and me for one, exploited every sing;e feature of my possessions ;-) It just never came of. Sleeping, eating, playing in the field, at school, bathing, and uh-oh, lets not go there(where the time stands still :P)
Coolness as it was, but change is for better. I lost it, I got a new one - Titan Dash!  The Absolute! (Don't mind my exaggeration, that's what I've been doing throughout this post, hehe!) Still remember that ugly morning, while watering the plants in the garden, for one rare time, I took it off my wrist for the fear of damaging it, and kept it somewhere. And next I recall, I was searching for it all around the garden the following evening with a naked wrist and a gloomy face :( Miss it!
If anything that could beat my affinity for this watch of mine, it had to be on splendid object. The very evening, I remember telling mom, that I had lost 'one' of the two most important things I had for my own, and so I am going out to spend some time with the other. No drama, all out of disappointment, that :P And I was out on the streets with my AVON ALTON! (one day, that was stolen too!)
My bicycle. THE BICYCLE! So what, if it had no gears, or shockers, or indicators(that was a lame feature, to be honest) - it was special to me!

No street of Lucknow was left unmarked; no corners unexplored! It would often speed up to 35kmph while going down hill.. and boy, that is some speed for a bike!
Also, that is not how it looked back then :( Again, don't have a picture of it,  and the model seems to have changed!
Mine, was a blue-cum-silver colored Avon Alton - K-series; with the top-tube, down-tube and seat-tube forming a K shape! Who needs gadget when you have that! Get out on the road and kick some ass!
My love for biking never faded out, even as I went to school on a bicycle right till the XII standard! The reason why I never requested for a Dish or Cable connection at home, never cared.. or abandoned my Video Game, was this. 


You think that's crazy :P I'll add more. This adventure race, held around Pune every year, Enduro3, which I participated in 2010 demands a lot of cycling! Roughly, I biked around for 80kms in two days :O No exaggeration here, sir! None! ...Funny(& awesome), that I found an unclaimed Apple iPod(yeah, Nano - the new-age gadget) during that race.. which we, being a team, couldn't finish :/ (and which I have already lost!)




Feel like adding a conclusion here :P So, even if we didn't have a PS3 or an Apple iPod or a PSP or a Laptop or an iPad (blimey, kids now have those too!) or a.. ok, enough! I don't wanna spoil the mood :P.... things don't matter; what is cherished is memories and we had what's precious, a childhood. 

Is my LIFE a Fool's Paradise?

This ain't any pretentious thought. I am not a pessimist. Never felt dejected either. Till yesterday I was among the exuberant guys around, enjoying life to the fullest. Loved to hang out with friends, party around, watch movies, etc. Today I saw Inception.

NO! NO! I did understand; what that masterpiece was about; unlike the couple sitting beside me, who disappeared right after the concept of 'TOTEM' was introduced. I loved every part of the movie. This actually was the problem. I was just wondering what was 'my big-thing' in life. An outburst occurred. I can tell you exactly what followed.


Now, we already knew years back that aliens are living amongst us, while Kay and Jay were busy battling the bad-alien-guys out. To add to it, there is a Matrix; possibly. But I dont have a hole above my neck or fore-head. Perhaps THE MATRIX HAS ME. And my name is not Neo either.


Moreover, those four kids trying something called lets-go-to-la-la-land have ended up being Princes and Princesses in the 'alternative universe'. Now they even have a pet lion. Yeah, not exactly a pet, but then I don't even have a DOG :-\ Even more amazing is the possibility of Middle-Earth. There are these rings being exchanged and wars are being fought following that. Well, rings being exchanged on this earth too have lead to life-long wars :P


The world around me is full of mutants; some of those could even stop time. I sometimes cant move a fly sitting on my arm :-/ They have an Xschool somewhere, with a super cool chopper facility. Then this bunch of Heroes are fighting amongst themselves with there powers. Wonder, they could be the same.. or maybe blood-brothers?

And  I never got admission to Hogwarts. That Potter guy-must've been for Reservations: has been the most happening-kid ever since 11 years of age. The wizard world is doing excellent. They even have a video-newspaper. And for-your-kind-information Mr. Shakespeare, witches actually ain't so ugly and "witchy".


All these people I'm told are gifted. Okay! Recently I learnt about vampires and were-wolves co-existing on some part of the earth; Previously, they were trying to abide by the age-old treaty. But now, its all about punks trying to impress a not-so-hot human girl. And the girl, Bella.. she is pretty HUMAN! Even HER life is full of thrills, with blonde blood-sucking vampires after her life.
PS- Even I love winters and rains. Does that help? :-/

Dreams were all I had where it was all under MY control; I often would fly. Some kickass adventures. I was the king here. But now, I can't be sure, whether it's me or someone has planted that freaky dream inside my sub-conscious!

 
The only escape could be hijacked. Back to disappointment. Why in God's name? WHY THE HELL IS MY LIFE SO DAMN UNINTERESTING?? This sucks big time! Thanks to Inception, I still have hope. I think I'll jump from a ten-storeyed building, and check if it's a dream.. in a dream ;-)

I realise..

I am as yet a boy; not build into a man,
I think;I talk, and wanna take my stand.
I, with no efforts, try being 'me',
But that's perhaps not what the world wants to see..


I live life the cool and suspended way;
without caring much what others have to say.
I drive myself into a world of my own,
where there isn't discomfort, nor is pessimism known.


I enjoy every moment I live now-
I find myself right but just cant prove how.
Then the social devil tries to uproot my perfect abode;
the happy-go-lucky me is dead; or perhaps a changing mode


I face the hardships; that's my plight;
But the optimism still lives in me: making it all too light.
I dare not rebel, I don't know against whom to,
The world isn't my enemy, though my frenz are few


I now hear people around me talking,
Some seriousness 'I' am lacking.
What kind of serious am I supposed to be?
Forget all positives, and forget I am free?


I know I think wrong now, coz surviving isn't hard;
But who's ideas are gonna guide me, is there any such bard?
Those who talk, I just cant trust them;
Coz they say they've never been 'me' or same.


I realize it maybe a phase, a transition then;
coz I ain't not a boy, n certainly not yet a man.
The world hasn't actually changed, its the other way round;
And I thought those were hardships: now funny it may sound.


But its time I grow, I start to decide,
Have secrets, and learn to confide(?)
But never will I lose my optimism, I know-
Coz to think all this, thats what I tried not to show! :)

A talent, something worth..your abilities..or even your greatest passion...displayed out in this cold world.. sometimes it pinches.. like clothes torn off your body...a shame.. not that the body is exposed... but that it is exposed to INDIFFERENT eyes.


Those eyes.. they won't understand you... though they don't intend malice... just that they don't want to know good you are or can be...this hasn't been in the traditions... Be whatever good you are... things that work out are 'respected' here...and truth, it seldom works with them.. Here, someone's favor can make you his slave.. such is the system.. Or almost anything that could feed their vanity..

You were a believer.. in self, in the universal energy.. all seems lost and confused.. faith has changed definitions... now what are you gonna do? You fight, give up or maybe give in... Or choose ESCAPISM.. it's comforting..you think you've faced enough.. you tried to stand by what was universally right.. but the system works on relativity.. individual frames of reference... self-centered view-points.. selfish minds, greedy minds.. all your life you never hated anything or anyone.. but you forgot - if you hate hate, you still hate! And now, you can't stand a bunch of hypocrites.. you can't stand this society..

You weren't immoral.. you did the thinking for yourself..  just kept your own set of morals.. many did coincide with theirs'.. so far they didn't mind, now there seems to be a clash!

You won't wanna hurt them.. just keep away.. anything and everything that would link you back to them... but where are you gonna run? It all piles up soon.. so heavy on your back.. even though you think you have been moving forward.. some day your back breaks and you have no option but to succumb.. Then, you realize.. there isn't any escape-door.. your misery made you fool yourself.. hah! but life isn't over as yet..

Though now you don't have many options.. struggle in obscurity or compromise..  But be clear.. you chose escapes throughout.. maybe you're not born to struggle.. compromise - like millions have.. once, you hated that they never dared to challenge..  look at their numb faces now... compromise doesn't seem so hard after all!

WHO AM I ?

I was worried, and it showed on my face. I was taking pains about the most unsavoury versions of life. Stuck up as they say, accompanied with a 'frustrated expression'. Now I knew what a 'miserable feeling' was. Just those times when your mind questions everything, and probably answers none.

I did what I felt would get me out of the situation. I speculated things - WHO AM I?

I am just that other boy in your institution who has long been doing something he never wanted to. But the bigger problem is that he does not know what he wants to. All he can do is struggle, either way. Or maybe I am the very friend of yours who thought he or she IS different. And one day suddenly something blows it off. And there they stand in the crowd of a millions, with same kind of dreams, same fantasies and same kind of lives. It pains, trust me.. it does. Perhaps I am just the girl in your neighborhood, who wraps on a smile whenever situations are adverse, and it works magic. But the other day she incurred, she is just veiling the truth and accumulating the hardships.

I am just the youth sitting by your side in a city bus, who wonders why their parents are blamed for the smallest of their actions, especially when the outcomes are negative. It does not help; just mystifying their mind even more. Also I am the coolest guy in your class who has a question - whats a CAREER anyway? He is chilled up enough to forget it; not smart enough to discover it all on his own, with no one to help. I represent any boy, your acquaintance, who does not want to be a misanthropist, but the world seems darker to him each time questions against his actions are put forth him. I could be a man standing in a local train, who sees more than fifty visible hands, clung tight. And he looks around and finds them all the same. This makes no sense and no conclusions to him. But then the carry-over of his frustrating thoughts overcomes, and it all adds up; with no reason. Or I might be a boy living on the other part of the world, who probably loves a girl he finds the best, but wont ever tell her.He is one of the boys in 20s who love to play with a pair of magnets. They are what he calls made for each other, rest is classified. Because he doubts if all the 'perfect lovers' depicted in those sugary films actually exist. They entertain; anything entertains because it offers an escape, from the reality. Confused, he suppresses his thoughts, and the girl will be unaware of his existence.

I maybe an employee in a multinational, who has been struggling to put forth his opinions but has no even grounds to fight.He was among the ones who loved Final Destination 1,2 and 3, and slept in 3D version of the fourth. Innate quality, every human has opinions, right or wrong depends on the frame of reference. He has no one to disseminate his. His very foundation crumbles each time his mind evelops a new opinion. He is perhaps trying to shut his eyes to the outer world now. I may be the one person who is trying not to be sad about petty mischances. It doesnt all together sound working though.

But speculations work, because now I know.. I am a fighter. I am the brave heart who despite such brainstorming, is marching forward. I am a deer who has always managed to escape the jaws of the lion chasing it. I am the bird who is flying higher and higher even with the gravity working against it. I am me. I am you. I am every person of your age around you. I am my generation, and I haven't lost. My purpose in life, isn't over as yet. Want to test yours? IF YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, IT ISN'T.

The Truth

'Survival of the fittest'. Long been hearing this nature's practically experimented statement. Be it animals or humans, this theory has been the base of the evolution theory known to this modern world of ours.It is the same theory that relates to the fast-paced, competitive human world.


My question. The Truth. Who is the fittest? The most talented, intelligent and wise people might prove to be inappropriate and inadequate. Its the clever and smart ones.Or clearly stating, the FAKE ones. Or maybe the wise ones with latter's qualities. This world is not hard to survive,but to grow, to flutter one's wings in a desired direction IS. I might sound arrogant when I call the leaders in this race 'fake'. But they would rather themselves give reasons for this in a better way. Being fake is not at all being a criminal. But why is there need of appeasement or flattery in this world? Why isn't having potential and performing simultaneously the sole criteria to grow and succeed?

I am not questioning any law of nature, which in Ayn Rand's words is 'a thing one could not question, alter or implore'. These are the evils in the society creeping out of human greed, fear of loss; which in turn is possibly due to dearth of skills and talent. Worthy or not worthy. Like it or not.


In retrospect, the cleverer and smarter ones in the society had probably instilled this into the procedures pertaining to this society. I find it ironic why I feel least bothered each time a terrorist plants a bomb in a populated area, to kill. I dont intend to prove myself a visionary or smarter than the others. Simple and clear, this is what I felt; What I have known.

Why is there a practical aspect to every existing view in this world? Idealism definitely does not exist beyond God, if He does. But non-practical and ideal are not same in any case. But niether are real and practical. This world has no room for variations. You try to put in your views and ideas and you are proved to be pretentious- or even self-righteous.This is not a pessimistic thought. I would ask you to be 'practical' here.

I had hard time trying to swallow this in. And I am afraid I couldn't. I am talking about being original. Being oneself, the original character. A day I was struggling in the kitchen, when my mother told me simply, you don't put in masala in a plain khichdi, and nor do you prepare a curry without spices. Why cant this world be as simple as that? Why does everything need to be marketed? Rebranded to please? To appease?


Who will change this? I am no revolutionary. No. I don't wanna be. Can I just be me? I write this because I feel something is wrong out here. Many of you might agree with me, with the same questions, baffling your mind. If you dont, you might wonder if I am confused. Let me clear your confusions, I am.

Great men existed in every century. They were great, no doubt. 'Great' within those hundreds of boundations of this fake world. Famous lines- You don't change the system. The system changes you. Ironic, that this line has a potential to be a universal truth. Whoever revolted, either perished or was subdued. I dont wanna change myself. No rebranding. I'm not for sale. I choose to perish. Let me perish; into oblivion.