Saturday 11 December 2010

ACCIO FIREBOLT!

Yet another time! I wanna quit.. nothing philosophical, actually i have an exam tomorrow at 2.30 pm. Less than 12 hours from now, and i haven't touched the book yet..tried once though.. No idea what this subject is all about!

Not that time is less..  Personal best(damn right, just like a batsman's innings :P) has been passing an exam after a preparation of mere 3.5 hrs. Not afraid to put up this last night-fight anymore...these aren't fights anymore.. Just one confident bastard mocking at the exam-system!! but this night feels different.. I feel exhausted after all those MBA entrance tests.. And none of them going as good as I wanted them to..  a whole lot still to come!

To add to the long list of the "pain-in-the-ass"s, tonight I am getting the same old feelings for ENGINEERING. How much I hate this term.. how I regret one and just ONE thing in my life so-far! Actually me and engineering, we've both screwed each other equally bad.. we're kinda even :-) Still, these last night-fights make me realize how hollow this degree thing of mine is! The EXAMS.. the college... University.. Teachers.. This Fucking SYSTEM!! Oooops talking big again :P.... should shut up I guess.
You know what's my favorite song tonight? I'm already humming ...no dark sarcasm.. in the classrooom..

Whats up with this book.. no idea! opened a few hours ago... found something about GSMs, 3G and 2G..ahh
i know this technical shit! But that reminded me of A RAJA.. and moi instantly opens Twitter.. Some interesting reads here:-)

This isn't new..Here I am, in my sponge-bob-square-pants boxers and in the last 15 hrs, I've cooked some aweful Rice and seen Shawshank Redemption, The Godfather-Part II and of course India white-washing NewZealand in the ODI today \m/ 2 or 3 episodes of FRIENDS... And I think I'm blogging now :-P
Ohh and btw I just found The Social Network's OST!! Awe-fucking-some this night is gonna be!!
A Familiar Taste #nowplaying #inloop

I guess I'll not "quit" this time. Confidence is there.. Remember the Miracle of Istanbul!! Gerrard is right here, hanging around...er on the wall ;-)

That reminds of another MORALE-BOOSTER... I use it a lot... I'm a big fan of Harry Potter books... have been reading since I was a kid.. hence easy to believe in!! If you're intersted in it, you'll get whats going in my head...  In Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry had to  participate in the Triwizard Tournament... the very first task facing the deadly dragons... An advice to Harry and he uses this spell.. the two game-changer kinda words...

ACCIO FIREBOLT!!

Friday 10 December 2010

FAITH

No BIG-BANGs have the answers. No Science ever created before does either. Yes, my question is the same as a million others. Just add a little arrogance. Only when I think "WHY GOD?"  is where I get some answers.

FAITH. Thats a powerful word indeed. Its psychological. I feel eased out when I have faith.. in something... anything. Let that be named GOD. Next step would be marketing it as something universal and omni-present. If doubts arise at any point in the future? Lets add FEAR. Heaven and Hell. Life, death, Shit-Happens etc. We are complete. A package. Branded and sold. Generation after generation. Welcome to the world, ya fools! Technically, new borns do have under-developed brains. So not so wrong, am I?

Looking back in time, GOD had been institutionalized long-long ago.. Some back then just chose to let the gradual shift be ignored; for some personal good perhaps. Now, all that remains is the smugness of these so-called men of various religions. I sound blasphemous? Well, you started it sire, now its just a regular Ping-Pong game.


For me, I have FAITH. I choose the easy path. Though I had things in complete control earlier, with no supreme power to the rescue. Now, I just feel relieved.. Lesser tensions. Leave it to the almighty, and take a breath! But my GOD doesn't ask me to offer prayers every morning and evening. Not the kind who is sitting with a RULE-BOOK over my head.

Boycott the religions? Well, I gotta socialise! And I already suck at it. You won't even talk to me next time, if I say what you believe in since birth is bullshit. And history stands by me, people get real emotional, just mention their religion and shit in the same sentence :)

I don't know how long things will work thus. Perhaps someday I'll have this quest of mine ended.. Or a big-bang will accidently create another Universe. An end to a cliched search, not with a result necessarily. Just keeping in my mind that at times no answer is the answer.

Saturday 13 November 2010

2 - 0

We never had a better game this season.. and Torres never looked his old self before that!! This game meant something... perhaps the wait is over.. Its time to see our favorite team win some good games.. And above all play some great football!!

Hodgson's methods good or bad... I care no more.. there's enough motivation in the team.. the players... the fans.. We'll rise and show what it takes to be the greatest club!!


How important this is for me?
.
.
.
Every time I see this video there's a smile on my face.. and satisfaction in my eyes...


At the end of a storm,
There's a golden sky..

YOU"LL NEVER WALK ALONE!!

Saturday 7 August 2010

TEN reasons why I may turn into an ATHEIST


When I entered this world as a new born, it was all setup. People, places, religions, principles etc (etc refer to : bars, discs, strip-clubs, parliament). I started gulping the way an empty glass is filled (knowledge of course, I'm a new-born so far!). No direct experiences though. One day I learnt about the supreme power  that us lesser mortals pray, fear and respect & lie & cheat & even abuse & steal from & collect charity for & NOW even fight wars. And please! God.. if exists, is not your banker. Stop asking him for bungalows and big fat cars.
I followed all my counterparts blindly for a few years. Because I was told HE is perfect. See, if you're from some association for women's rights, neglect the previous line; and please don't jail me. SHE is perfect... too.

Good old days; me(in red) partying with God. Yeah.. we used to have a blast

But years passed, some experiences made my faith shiver. Faith in those who believed in God was gradually dying. The source may be corrupted!  Here's how it happened.


 





TEN


It was a dark night (effects, nights are always dark in this part of the world). I was sitting with my friends in a pub. Watching a football match. New in this arena. Suddenly HE entered. A creature all dressed in blue, fanning himself with what looked like a bundle of Rubles (Russian currency moron!). He booked a table by the name of Billionaire Blue, just beside us.

His eyes ran towards me, And as if his sixth sense realized I was a newbie; he approached towards me. I could see him clearly now, big eyes, chest as big as a SAMSUNG LED TV and the two trophy cases in his hand; of which one seemed untouched. He held his hand towards me to shake. Hands, you naughty naughty boy. Just than a friend of mine, heaved THIS towards me.

I ran out of the place into the dark, windy woods. Chills roller-coastering up and down my spine. I just saw a Chlesea FC fan! These creatures do exist in this universe of the almighty! My faith was badly shaken. This is how it all started.


NINE

India has produced some of the greatest musicians in the world. We have likes of A.R. Rahman in our Music Industry. BUT.. unbelievable - Pritam has fans in India. Trust me he does. And if you don't get the point I've already made, CAUTION! Here's why.

The term Music doesn't have a copyright. Thats how he named his thing Music too.
(Haha. I forgot. Pritam doesn't care about COPYrights)

EIGHT

It turns out me and my friends and my potential friends and my friends from the parallel universe are all GEEKS. We don't Party All Night. Niether do we have liquor flowing all around us. And oh yes.. We all have seen AMERICAN PIE series. O GOD.. if you're there.. you can't do this to me!!
 SEVEN

Talking of GEEKism, this was the reason why I cried alone after a movie, sitting in the wash-room in the multiplex the other day (and oh yes.. the movie was Taare Zameen Par, another reason.. they lifted my life-story!). I've been pretty active on social-networking sites lately. I have all the time in the world. Told you I don't party every day/all night.

I may use the word 'ya' for 'yes' while I talk. Same with 'yo', 'cool' or 'damn'. Words like 'dude' are found in the reputed English dictionaries (and it does not just mean a Camel's dick, so stop forwarding those messages). But there is this class of people who are the trend-setters. They have their own cult. Super-cool guys. Ask them and they'll tell you about " MAH at2de MAH lyf MAH bitch MAH a**hole" Cool ain't this? But how does it matter. I am not one of THEM :( And haven't seen these guys off the Internet either. Where do they live? No one ever figured out. The creator of this life, has been partial, for sure !!



SIX

Talking of social-networking sites, I discovered GOD has a pet name. GAWD. You can stuff as many Ws in there. How unreal. You're nickname is actually longer than your name! Sorry dude, I smell imperfection around you.


FIVE

This one was big. It was about How I met your mother (the SITCOM.. mate, relax!)The times when my faith was getting strong. Reason - Once I saw Barney.. talking to GOD (Its not just colorful, its a LINK moron!). I trusted him. Barney Stinson. Legenn.. wait for it...darryy. I read his blog everyday. The Bro Code - awesome.

But then this Robin thingy!! Barney caught feelings. Doomed. Here's where the faith turned from positive to 0 to negative.

FOUR

Existence of GOD's competitor - sachin_rt ; probably much more dependable.


THREE

 A movie named KITES was released this year. Not the problem. I never saw it. Its music was given by renowned Music Director(citations needed)  Rajesh Roshan. Before the music release, I found an article in Mirror (Not the UK one, not the washroom one either.. it was Pune Mirror) that told a story of how his nephew Hrithik loves Trance, and wanted a track of the same genre to be included in the repertoire. The article further said that Rajesh Roshan has been listening to world's best trance music (thats actually how he creates all his songs). This wasn't the painful part. Disaster struck when I ACTUALLY HEARD THE TRACK CALLED FIRE. 
 

TWO

I saw a video which was something like this.  NOOOO !! Don't click on this one! You'll blame me later on. I'll tell you, its some Justin Bieber guy crying babyy..babyyyy.


ONE
I saw this.




I just love PZ. Though I had never been relishing any thought of this kind... evverr. That doesn't mean I underestimated myself. And cruel world. I mean... Just look at this chhichhoraaa! He got PZ.. I got nuts..

THE END. (We are talking about Faith right now.. so just shut up and read below)


ZERO


Save Tigers, only 1411* left!
(Just added this in case the seasonal I-care-about-this feeling hits back after it boomed in the month of March earlier this year. If it does, this shitty piece might turn out to be the most read one on blogger\m/)

*The number is just symbolic(of the boom I mentioned),it may not be the exact count.


Important : By no means am I making a claim of being an Atheist myself.

PS    - This last image shows renowned Telugu actor Venkatesh, didn't mean to disrespect.
PPS  - No part was intended towards offending any individuals' choices.
PPPS- Clause no. 7 guys, you can take it as an offense though.

Wednesday 4 August 2010

Lucknow : Contemplations of a stroller

"I'm just writing a story that I want to read"
Here's about my hometown, not just praising or scorning it. People, places or objects are not perfect; but we still love them. Nothing else matters practically. Tried to gather minute details while strolling on the streets of Lucknow. This is an account of a tiresome but cherished outing for nearly 4 hrs
. Won't take you the same to join me :-)
Source: my nookiaa mobile 2MP


It starts with me standing on a blue bridge over the Gomti River. NO. Not dreaming. Checked my totem. I use er.. sorry, pretty private.  Auto rickshaw and a city Bus. Why I was here? I'm on a 6 months official vacation. I don't have to find a reason to stroll :-) It was a spontaneous decision. And I loved every part of it. Me alone. I never miss the iPod thing though. Never.(Life mein background music hota hai #jugaad)
This part of the city is amazing. Wide clean roads, plenty of places to hang out, all the killer-hotrods vrooming, and of course the river. At a short distance was the Samajik Parivartan Sthal. The same 87 crore project that went upto 500crores.(source what State Information Commission released under RTI) Whatever be the fuss over it. This day all I could say was "this is beautiful ;-)". Junta seems to have accepted what the Maharani Mayawati built for them. Some parivartan actually.

The long roads parallel to the waters. Friends in groups, small and large, by the sandstone walls facing the river; and much obvious, couples maintaining atleast 100 metres of distance from the former :P Lively place to be. The syndrome of facing the sun over the view of water had seemingly caught many. Those faces; pensive, determined and ambitious. Thumbsup to those guys. I love to be that way. And if you're lucky enough wind blowing against your face. Awesome. Openings in the boundary railings that lead down to the river, caught my sight. Scanned the area, only to spot a boy and three girls smoking down there. Geez!! Goosebumps. None of my business, but that's bizarre! hiding and acting cool. Misconceptions of a lifetime. Get a life, ladies.

A complete contrast, the road opposite has been named Marine Drive. That place, to be precise has energetic vibes. Bike-freaks with some classy stunts. Luckily it was all alive then and there. Wheelies, stoppies, burn-outs and what-nots. Audience, like myself, were in numbers. Did I say I wasn't jealous? Well, I've not yet learned to ride a bike. Hahaha. Do what you can. Some youth spirit to add to Lucknow :-) I was having a great time, just when a guy on a Pulsar arrived from the other end of the road. Panicked as he was, the only words I heard was "MAAMU". Suddenly all the bikes kicked-off and sped away. I was confused. Why on earth are the audience dispersing? Out of question! I'm not running, I decided. After all I was on a stroll! Earphones back on. Three bikers who went the wrong way initially, rode back to where I was. Real geniuses, thought that guy's maamu was giving a treat over there. Hahaha. Now, hearts in their mouths. I could see a Police Jeep following at a distance. They stopped, locked their bikes and jumped across the pavement. Hilarious. Especially after the policemen stopped and dragged those bikes, abusing loud at the top of their voices. Never heard someone utter in hindi with such passion. Everyone had run away, me the only witness. So I decided to slip out of there.

Much of happenings here. I had to hire an auto rickshaw. One auntieji and her bitia to share it with me. Tension all around. Next stop - Hazratgang. Yes. This is one familiar place. Have been Ganjing ever since I was a kid. Any Lucknowite of my age will tell you the same story. Before I could carry on walking on these streets, I decided to grab an Ice-Tea. Just love it. Headed towards Sahara Ganj, McDonald's. Its about this city. You won't find likes of Ice-Tea anywhere else. True atleast for the parts of Lucknow I've known. And FYI Sahara Ganj is a mall. And damn right, I was in a mall just for Ice-Tea.

Sahara Ganj. This must have been a game-changer for thousands of families in Lucknow, ever since it was opened in December, 2005. EPIC. I remember, being a kid I used to go out with family to visit the likes of Budhha Park, Elephant Park and many others. Changing trends, now one can see families sitting in the  "Ganj-maaal" eating Ice-creams :P This is a new kinda outing. Crowded, no doubt!! Every time, this day too. In the afternoons, another cadre joins in - the school kiddos, in their clumsy uniforms and lazily hanging school-bags. Probably attending another of their extra-class. Damn I used to hate school-uniforms! The only place I could go with them on was SCHOOL. Another set of goosebumps, had any of them been here.


Not ready for the Metro tag. Well, I did my job and got back on track.  Just outside the mall, were nearly a dozen of cycle rickshaw-pullers, looking at me with hopeful eyes. Giving them an obvious reaction - I'm gonna write about this one, you fools! The shops in the lane to the left from where I was. Updated in a lowly manner. Airtel Voucher. Vodafone New SIM @XX rs. And many more, under the same roof. A hundred n/w operator mini-malls on this road. Our country works this way. I'm a mobilophobic so I moved straight ahead.

Source: My nookiaa mobile again.
Here I was at the heart of the city (Gomti Nagar waalo, your thoughts might differ). The spirit of Ganjing took me over. This place was still the same as it had been 12 years back when I had first come to Lucknow. The Universal Book Depot , Sahu talkies, and ofcourse Royal Cafe and Nawab's Restaurant. They have all been there for years, as lively as ever before.  In fact the only piece of Modernistic architecture one can find over there is the ICICI building. The best part, on this road I didn't find any Laptop store or the generic Mobile stores. Of course there is Naza market for these.

One more thing about Lucknow that won't ever change, the presence of white Ambassadors. Anyone living in a state capital would connect with this. But as there is a Mayawati-version to everything in the city - the Mahindra Scorpios carrying BSP flags. It is annoying, the exxtraa-loud horns in ambassadors. And even the drivers of these vehicles carry the tashan that there masters flaunt. Well, that's true about Lucknow people as a whole. Wonder what Delhi would be like. I've never been there and never want to. That's out of general dislike for Delhi and Delhites (no offense unintended).


What earlier used to be depicted as a City of Tehzeeb, and the Pehle-Aap nazaakat, seems to be struggling to maintain its prestige. But the man in that small shop seemed to be quite pleasant, where I asked for coca-cola in the glass bottle. Chilling and refreshing. Paid for it and another can that I slid into the bag hanging behind me. Another FYI, softdrinks in glass bottle, plastic, cans and fountain, all do taste differently. I've had enough debates over this one :P I saw a statue of Rabindra Nath Tagore by the side. Had never noticed before! Some benefit of loitering around :-) Moreover it was comforting to see that there have been public figures in the history other than Dr. Ambedkar whom Lucknowites admire. Don't miss the n number of roads named after him, parks and now even the State Transport Bus Station. That's the harsh effect of witnessing a political metamorphosis upon a city capital.

This was the MG Road. There stood Marksmen. The yummy Chicken burger. Gone bhagwan ka aadmi a few days. NO.(if you read bhaagywaan ka aadmi) Missed the "Fast Food" part in its name. They prepare everything from the desi cuisine now. Mayfair Cinema, that told the sad story of once the best cinemas in Lucknow. Has been shut for years now. On the other side, high up above was visible the massive Cross of the Church. Beautiful. It was visible from all streches of aforementioned  MG Road. Moving ahead I crossed The Cheap Store. I'd been here before. I couldn't help noticing it. The board was still the same. PZ with a Perk XL. No other emotional crap.

Youth was out there enjoying the beautiful weather and some company. I noticed "amaa yaar" had become prominent enough to be coined the unofficial TAKIA KALAAM of the city. People told me, I never agreed before. Ego-thing. As was evident in a  short conversation between two friends (overheard, can't help it (but those men needed help for sure (Ya..Ya..I know, parenthesis suck)))

Chhaprii1- Male around 25, losing hair, but T tight. visibly gyming night and day
Chhaprii2 - Male around 25 again, long hair (seemingly Kaminey effect, resulting in a disaster), Not engaged for sure and too many rings on his fingers.

Chhaprii1 : bhaii aaj chalo tumko chiiiikan laalypop(chicken lollypop, he meant) khilaate hain (a hand up in the air - too happy with his idea)
Chhaprii2 : amaa yaar chuppe baitho yahiin, hum kahiin nai jaayenge. faam dhalne do. Okay, he said shaam
(Needless to say they had been leering at items during all this time. Cheesy)

I wanted to burst out laughing at what I had realized.
That's just one instance of what I heard on that one event. Without wondering what they'll finally do, I moved on and took out my can. NO, not the Pepsi one. My-own-personal&purchased-can of Coca Cola. I had kilometers to walk before I reach home. Office hours over, heavy traffic was on the roads. GPO clock tower - admirable. Vidhan Sabha was also on the way. No RED ALERT today. No benches came flying out of the window. Mulayam Singh must've been in Delhi. Moving on from the broad roads of Ganj, the width seemed decreasing every metre. And vehicle density increasing. Commotion enough to trouble a pedestrian. I somehow managed  to avoid making my perfect day unpleasant. Ah, here's Sulabh! NO. Not the museum thingummy.

Skipping the aahaaa part, now I was on the Aishbagh road. Had been walking some 5 kms already. Run Forrest Run! NO. Thats not what came to my mind. The Ojha Chat. Yeah, I need salts - my mind is a genius, just doesn't support me all the time. Paani ke batashe. The name questioned and voted against by many, is what we call the panipuri of Mumbai and around. Will miss this definitely in Pune. Short break and back on the roads. Now even if I stop, my legs have a pseudo-motion in the forward direction. So I didn't quite stop. Last thing I remember noticing(which practically was the only thing noticeable in residential areas) was the Kirana stores. With an exceptional rice-to-cosmetics range. Kirana store is the common noun these shops adopt; where the proper noun part can vary from Pappu to Sonu.

In the end, home sweet home. Needless to mention, the best part of the city :-) Four hours of aimless wandering on the streets of Lucknow, The Constantinople of India. Doesn't bother me though - this name; I've never been to Constantinople anyway. The spirit lives right here within me. And as I said before, perfect or imperfect. A mechanical version of a Utopian society. Man, this city breathes! NOPE again. Not pollution-free!
PS- fact check for the blind and obsessed.

Friday 30 July 2010

Is my LIFE a Fool's Paradise?

This ain't any pretentious thought. I am not a pessimist. Never felt dejected either. Till yesterday I was among the exuberant guys around, enjoying life to the fullest. Loved to hang out with friends, party around, watch movies, etc. Today I saw Inception.


NO! NO! I did understand; what that masterpiece was about; unlike the couple sitting beside me, who disappeared right after the concept of 'TOTEM' was introduced. I loved every part of the movie. This actually was the problem. I was just wondering what was 'my big-thing' in life. An outburst occurred. I can tell you exactly what followed.


Now, we already knew years back that aliens are living amongst us, while Kay and Jay were busy battling the bad-alien-guys out. To add to it, there is a Matrix; possibly. But I dont have a hole above my neck or fore-head. Perhaps THE MATRIX HAS ME. And my name is not Neo either.


Moreover, those four kids trying something called lets-go-to-la-la-land have ended up being Princes and Princesses in the 'alternative universe'. Now they even have a pet lion. Yeah, not exactly a pet, but then I don't even have a DOG :-\ Even more amazing is the possibility of Middle-Earth. There are these rings being exchanged and wars are being fought following that. Well, rings being exchanged on this earth too have lead to life-long wars :P


The world around me is full of mutants; some of those could even stop time. I sometimes cant move a fly sitting on my arm :-/ They have an Xschool somewhere, with a super cool chopper facility. Then this bunch of Heroes are fighting amongst themselves with there powers. Wonder, they could be the same.. or maybe blood-brothers?

And  I never got admission to Hogwarts. That Potter guy-must've been for Reservations: has been the most happening-kid ever since 11 years of age. The wizard world is doing excellent. They even have a video-newspaper. And for-your-kind-information Mr. Shakespeare, witches actually ain't so ugly and "witchy".


All these people I'm told are gifted. Okay! Recently I learnt about vampires and were-wolves co-existing on some part of the earth; Previously, they were trying to abide by the age-old treaty. But now, its all about punks trying to impress a not-so-hot human girl. And the girl, Bella.. she is pretty HUMAN! Even HER life is full of thrills, with blonde blood-sucking vampires after her life.
PS- Even I love winters and rains. Does that help? :-/

Dreams were all I had where it was all under MY control; I often would fly. Some kickass adventures. I was the king here. But now, I can't be sure, whether it's me or someone has planted that freaky dream inside my sub-conscious!
 
The only escape could be hijacked. Back to disappointment. Why in God's name? WHY THE HELL IS MY LIFE SO DAMN UNINTERESTING?? This sucks big time! Thanks to Inception, I still have hope. I think I'll jump from a ten-storeyed building, and check if it's a dream.. in a dream ;-)

Friday 25 June 2010

Kurt Cobain : The Man Who Sold The World

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Kurt Cobain. A man whose death said more about him than his birth. When such men are talked about; no date-of-birth's are mentioned. Years they lived need not be counted : this is all irrelevant. To me, he was born the day I read this line in a miscellaneous article; and I linked Cobain's name to his image on a dude's T; and will perhaps live as long as I do.  Needless to say how restless I was reading the quote. I always believed in this thought; but no way a rockstar writes this! That's pretentious, I must've thought then. Not knowing what I was about to discover, for my own good!!

I read a lot about him. Nirvana. Grunge rock. I had heard all his albums in no time. Kurt had been this multi-talented boy good in all forms of art. The style of his death pinched me. But his legend was quick in influence upon me. A guitar in his hand increased my excitement for Guitar and gave me my latest love. John Lennon has been my idol ever since I heard IMAGINE. After having done enough research about this great man, Kurt Cobain was my idol too. And one day I read in an article on the internet :  Cobain called John Lennon his idol. And my joy was beyond expression! I've heard from some that a man who did heroin and perhaps under its effects, shot himself, cannot be an idol to a normal person. If that is so, I don't care what is normal.

In my opinion, every great band in the past had a genius whose intelligence worked magic for them. The soul  of the group's works. For Nirvana, Kurt was the genius. Visibly, many rockers don't know names of the other two members(or others who didn't stay). Nirvana's most successful song was Smells Like Teen Spirit. Another popular song Rape Me's guitar was basically Smells Like Teen Spirit backwards. Cobain thought that if a song was played backwards it would take on a new character.

Cobain's music continually challenged social evils. This song (Rape Me) was from the perspective of a victim replying to a rapist; again the reverse of  Polly which is from the perspective of the rapist, and is based on a true incident. Bob Dylan commented hearing the song, "The kid has a heart".To emphasize on Cobain's intentions; Nirvana played some benefits to help rape victims, including the "Rock Against Rape" concert in 1993, which raised money for a women's self-defense organization.

Clearly stating his sensibility, he was a different human-being. Where the social setup deters Man from going beyond limits, a thinker of Cobain's league is declared abhorrent. He was into heroin. He had been jailed for vandalism. His use of drugs prompts towards an escape that he was seeking. Although, this cannot be justified to moralists, I linked all his life up. The divorce of his parents is said to have an adverse effect on Kurt as a kid. But that wasn't the only problem. I found all answers in his philosophies, his Journals, and his suicide note.

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not"

His suicide note made people reconsider this quote of his.
He wasn't loving the music he had enjoyed all these years. A brainstorm of thoughts; that would kill him each time. Use of heroin was for the escape; he often pointed the dark side of doing drugs. He was too sensitive. He said he hated all humans; felt sorry for them because he loved them too much.

His search for happiness in the same world had lost hope. His work didn't give him anymore pleasure. The reason he said was that I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child. This numbness was all that he was seeking. This links us to another of Nirvana's song Dumb. This song describes the condition of a dumb person; as for some reason he is always happy, no matter what. Kurt Cobain, who had been declared one of the best songwriters, the grunge legend, wasn't happy about any thing. He often related to Buddhism and Jainism, though he was a Christian. And certainly not pretentious. The man couldn't use a shotgun in his mouth if he is faking! His thoughts were beyond our, the lesser mortals' perception. His life wasn't fun to him and :  The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.

After his death, Nirvana grew in popularity higher than ever before. Kurt Cobain as a dead man, built a larger fan following. A cult rose in his remembrance. Grunge rock started to be considered his genre. Unplugged in New York topped the charts. Some claimed him to be talentless. Suicide was condemned by many. But that man was more than his music, his life, his possessions. His search was for Nirvana. He had no desires. He chose freedom....
And whenever somebody questions his death, the lines he asked the world to remember, mystify my mind..

I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Thursday 10 June 2010

Dream on!! dream until your dream comes true....

Have you ever followed a dream?

It was like two different people inside my head, talking. Baffling my mind. A dream? Well, I sleep pretty deep, and dream every other night! But that wasn't what it was about. I was trying to answer my own questions. Within my head. I had never done this before. Felt like I was sick.

But could not help it. The question I myself created, never left me alone. No answers popped up from the sub-conscious. I decided to think over it. Have I ever dreamt? Yes! Now I knew what this was about. It was a question I had to answer. No more escapes. A query that could have kept my fresh plans at bay. It was about a challenge I was trying to take up. It was about CAT. The big one!!

I am quite lucky with company I get. Since I was a kid, I have had good friends, healthy family relations, and quality competitors. Lucky, because I never worked hard to gain these. Perhaps the reason I never valued the same. Company that kept telling me I was brilliant, had a lot of potential. I had a good academic record back then(what mates used to call toppers), loved almost any kind of sport and was participative in all the 'third-world acts' of a kid. A complete affair. Never concerned though. But times passed, environment around me changed and so did I. More inclination towards things that entertain. School was no more fun. For ranks I even slipped out of top 10 of my class. I knew not what was coming.

Mediocrity, now it shows in me. My lifestyle. Considering sports, I support Rafael Nadal. A great player. Yet Roger Federer is considered the best ever in tennis. But I am a die-hard fan of his(Nadal). I support Liverpool FC, although the club has been dominated by bigger footballing giants Man Utd and others for past 20 years. Because when they win, I see some hope. Champions we have been. Greatest ever club. But in a condition of high uncertainity, in current years. The abilities, the skills are all there. But things dont seem working. When the underdogs turn the world upside down, its like what I have wished for years.  People writing them off. The system against them. Lo! and still they managed it! Thats a bigger champion for me than any other. The dark horse.

Mediocrity, a world where I didn't belong at all, according to the people who knew me. But the facts said I was badly stuck in it. All the winner qualities were gone. I was unable to deliver in any kind of challenge. Because I was satisfied. The zeal never broke up within me. And even if I did excel somewhere, I was considered a surprise outcome. People would commend even if I was beaten. Just because I took that task up! Still things didn't bother me. I said to myself, 'I just did it, and I can do it again, anytime'. I simply felt better off not doing it. Except that one time when I had a desire to prove to couple of my teachers that I wasn't a loser in +2, where I went all out for Mathematics(although I got 99); I never even tried. Mediocrity had me.
 

And on today's date I was confused again. I had had bad experiences with graduation in engineering. Low on performance, lack of initiatives, an uninterested and laid-back attitude. And then this miraculous thing happened to me. Final semester of engineering. And I was DETAINED. Attendance concerns. Infact I had no attendance at all. I was popular in my college; for all the wrong reasons. Every student knew the name.. and I felt pointed fingers matching my face to it. The first ever bolt to my satisfied self! A bolt at a time when I was to carve out my career. I had plans, cliched though, but all were compromised. A certified loser.

Still I call it miraculous. And human-beings don't share bad miracles. There are no bad miracles. I took it far too optimistic to hurt me. I wasn't pathetic. I did not want to face pity. It is comforting; but sorry, comfort could deprive of the strength; I'd moved on pretty quickly. "Nothing's gonna change my world". Music of The Beatles kept playing in my mind. I informed every person who mattered, no inhibitions to stop me; and unhappy as I wasn't, people gave me all support and no pity. Lucky as I am with friends. :) To me this meant something new. Maybe it was time to think. I knew, I had nothing to lose now. Visibly. Something that had been restrained inside me for 20 odd years, and has been struggling to pop out. Something revolutionary. And it shapes my career too. I figured it out. I was taking CAT.

I reckoned the glory that CAT carries with it. Logical reasoning, basic quants and verbal abilities were all that it tests. Something is special about this one, I always thought. Even considered taking it before. But this time something was different. Some spark in me. Why CAT? Honestly the glory I talk of. The fields it tests upon. And the CHALLENGE it poses. That's all. I didn't want to know what was lying post-CAT. "Why MBA?" is not my question. I didn't care. A friend of mine to whom I owe this. We built this dream together. Not to suspect his efforts, he has already made it to Joka-land this year. IIM-C. The huge one. That's like Nishant! And when he was revered by all, I realized he had turned into a person I looked upto. Will always cherish those memories mate, and truly, you have my admiration(in absentia:))

CAT was the big platform where I could excel and leave behind mediocrity. At the same time that would take care of the million-dollar word 'career'.

Have I ever possessed a dream? NO! not before today; and that's the difference between yesterday and tomorrow. Now I dare to.

I dont know yet where I will land up, or where I stand. But this energy has to be of a winner. I dare to dream of an IIM C call converted..

A book I had read a few years back, Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach, means a lot to me. Every line of that book is like a holy sermon to me. It proves that a dream you live, makes you immortal. A seagull who dreams to fly high. Fly, not just to feed itself. But for the love of flying. The challenge. For me, what will be, is in the future, waiting for me. Waiting because I have dreamed about this. I have created the world for me. What others think, I have never ever cared, and this continues.

This is life-affirming. This sets an upbeat mood. Have I ever dreamt? Yes... I finally have a lucid dream. And I am gonna live it for sure!!

I realise..

I am as yet a boy; not build into a man,
I think;I talk, and wanna take my stand.
I, with no efforts, try being 'me',
But that's perhaps not what the world wants to see..


I live life the cool and suspended way;
without caring much what others have to say.
I drive myself into a world of my own,
where there isn't discomfort, nor is pessimism known.


I enjoy every moment I live now-
I find myself right but just cant prove how.
Then the social devil tries to uproot my perfect abode;
the happy-go-lucky me is dead; or perhaps a changing mode


I face the hardships; that's my plight;
But the optimism still lives in me: making it all too light.
I dare not rebel, I don't know against whom to,
The world isn't my enemy, though my frenz are few


I now hear people around me talking,
Some seriousness 'I' am lacking.
What kind of serious am I supposed to be?
Forget all positives, and forget I am free?


I know I think wrong now, coz surviving isn't hard;
But who's ideas are gonna guide me, is there any such bard?
Those who talk, I just cant trust them;
Coz they say they've never been 'me' or same.


I realize it maybe a phase, a transition then;
coz I ain't not a boy, n certainly not yet a man.
The world hasn't actually changed, its the other way round;
And I thought those were hardships: now funny it may sound.


But its time I grow, I start to decide,
Have secrets, and learn to confide(?)
But never will I lose my optimism, I know-
Coz to think all this, thats what I tried not to show! :)

Thursday 20 May 2010

Orkut dead? [RIP]


Still in its evolving stages. It seemed this one was to go on. The prodigy that seemed challenging mortality. The youth joined this brigade. The revolution had started..
And then. Something went terribly wrong. Orkut** died.
The best couldn't survive. Speculations were made. Some conspiracies surfaced up. Post-mortem was carried out. And the reports bared it all..
Facebook^^ killed it.

Not by its own hands though. The following of Orkut left it alone. Tempted by FB, as they nicknamed their new friend. The human brain, thinking trends and psychology were deeply examined. And the reports that followed were astonishing. People had changed.

1) Ppl got bored of counting scraps(and comparing) each time they logged in. Moreover it was too social for the 'YO-generation' to go online just to say hi. This Fb dude gave them cool applications or 'apps' as he called it.

2) The public pages, the communities seemed hell too far to reach on a lazy day. And if ever someone posted a topic or a query in a community, it was lost, amidst several others. And whether someone responded was buried history.

3) The slogan of 'Be a FAN to get one' seemed losing power.

4) The 'add to crush list' didn't help either as people prefer keeping crushes to themselves, because they are too large in number to disclose.

5) And the messages led to dilemmas. Whether the beautiful girl telling them that one could 'earn from home' really existed? And did poor XYZ get her operation successful through the 10paise orkut paid her for each forwarded message?
[The latter often led to high blood pressure and heart attacks and thus turned into a nested chain mail]

6) Priests at confession boxes complained about increased number of confessions of having lied in their friend's Testimonial.

7) The acronym LOL had turned from indicating a laugh to a yawn. Urgent need surfaced to allow ppl to remark upon the growing sick sense of online-humor.

8) Yet the freedom of expression was maintained on FB. There was no 'DISLIKE' button, to cause embarrassment, against the 'LIKE' one.

9) FB helped the under-confident through its 'apps'. For instance,
i) The victims of bullies joined Mafia Wars and went all out on their enemies without fear.
ii) The nerdy ones found satisfaction in farming and making neighbors at their sweet town Farmville.
iii) The candy-asses valiantly did go 'blind' and turned prodigal on Poker.
[Also, the "How hot\cool are you?" etc quizzes helped]

10) The gluttons were the first to quit as they hated being told "Orkut has no doughnut for you".


[**Though a clone of Orkut was made with genes of Facebook, and presented as a new version, but in vain. This new fellow had lost all the charm and emotions]

[^^Rumors say that FB has been murdered too. Prime suspect: a guy named Twitter-has various political connections and celeb friends. One of his friends had been heard tweeting: "@twitter that f***book couldnt have survived man! #fb #areyounuts" News to be verified soon.]

Thursday 15 April 2010



A talent, something worth..your abilities..or even your greatest passion...displayed out in this cold world.. sometimes it pinches.. like clothes torn off your body...a shame.. not that the body is exposed... but that it is exposed to INDIFFERENT eyes.


Those eyes.. they won't understand you... though they don't intend malice... just that they don't want to know good you are or can be...this hasn't been in the traditions... Be whatever good you are... things that work out are 'respected' here...and truth, it seldom works with them.. Here, someone's favor can make you his slave.. such is the system.. Or almost anything that could feed their vanity..

You were a believer.. in self, in the universal energy.. all seems lost and confused.. faith has changed definitions... now what are you gonna do? You fight, give up or maybe give in... Or choose ESCAPISM.. it's comforting..you think you've faced enough.. you tried to stand by what was universally right.. but the system works on relativity.. individual frames of reference... self-centered view-points.. selfish minds, greedy minds.. all your life you never hated anything or anyone.. but you forgot - if you hate hate, you still hate! And now, you can't stand a bunch of hypocrites.. you can't stand this society..

You weren't immoral.. you did the thinking for yourself..  just kept your own set of morals.. many did coincide with theirs'.. so far they didn't mind, now there seems to be a clash!

You won't wanna hurt them.. just keep away.. anything and everything that would link you back to them... but where are you gonna run? It all piles up soon.. so heavy on your back.. even though you think you have been moving forward.. some day your back breaks and you have no option but to succumb.. Then, you realize.. there isn't any escape-door.. your misery made you fool yourself.. hah! but life isn't over as yet..

Though now you don't have many options.. struggle in obscurity or compromise..  But be clear.. you chose escapes throughout.. maybe you're not born to struggle.. compromise - like millions have.. once, you hated that they never dared to challenge..  look at their numb faces now... compromise doesn't seem so hard after all!

Wednesday 17 March 2010

WHO AM I ?


I was worried, and it showed on my face. I was taking pains about the most unsavoury versions of life. Stuck up as they say, accompanied with a 'frustrated expression'. Now I knew what a 'miserable feeling' was. Just those times when your mind questions everything, and probably answers none.

I did what I felt would get me out of the situation. I speculated things - WHO AM I?

I am just that other boy in your institution who has long been doing something he never wanted to. But the bigger problem is that he does not know what he wants to. All he can do is struggle, either way. Or maybe I am the very friend of yours who thought he or she IS different. And one day suddenly something blows it off. And there they stand in the crowd of a millions, with same kind of dreams, same fantasies and same kind of lives. It pains, trust me.. it does. Perhaps I am just the girl in your neighborhood, who wraps on a smile whenever situations are adverse, and it works magic. But the other day she incurred, she is just veiling the truth and accumulating the hardships.

I am just the youth sitting by your side in a city bus, who wonders why their parents are blamed for the smallest of their actions, especially when the outcomes are negative. It does not help; just mystifying their mind even more. Also I am the coolest guy in your class who has a question - whats a CAREER anyway? He is chilled up enough to forget it; not smart enough to discover it all on his own, with no one to help. I represent any boy, your acquaintance, who does not want to be a misanthropist, but the world seems darker to him each time questions against his actions are put forth him. I could be a man standing in a local train, who sees more than fifty visible hands, clung tight. And he looks around and finds them all the same. This makes no sense and no conclusions to him. But then the carry-over of his frustrating thoughts overcomes, and it all adds up; with no reason. Or I might be a boy living on the other part of the world, who probably loves a girl he finds the best, but wont ever tell her.He is one of the boys in 20s who love to play with a pair of magnets. They are what he calls made for each other, rest is classified. Because he doubts if all the 'perfect lovers' depicted in those sugary films actually exist. They entertain; anything entertains because it offers an escape, from the reality. Confused, he suppresses his thoughts, and the girl will be unaware of his existence.

I maybe an employee in a multinational, who has been struggling to put forth his opinions but has no even grounds to fight.He was among the ones who loved Final Destination 1,2 and 3, and slept in 3D version of the fourth. Innate quality, every human has opinions, right or wrong depends on the frame of reference. He has no one to disseminate his. His very foundation crumbles each time his mind evelops a new opinion. He is perhaps trying to shut his eyes to the outer world now. I may be the one person who is trying not to be sad about petty mischances. It doesnt all together sound working though.

But speculations work, because now I know.. I am a fighter. I am the brave heart who despite such brainstorming, is marching forward. I am a deer who has always managed to escape the jaws of the lion chasing it. I am the bird who is flying higher and higher even with the gravity working against it. I am me. I am you. I am every person of your age around you. I am my generation, and I haven't lost. My purpose in life, isn't over as yet. Want to test yours? IF YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, IT ISN'T.

Wednesday 17 February 2010

No one is safe, and no one is brave!

Recently, when Pune was hit with terror blasts, I realized that we Indians have developed a habit of living in illusions- We are not worried because we are safe, and we don't give in because we are brave.

We the people need to realize this. Living ignoramus is not the solution to the problem. Not everyone has the courage to fight. But facing the reality is safer. We've got to face the fact that no one is born immune to these terror attacks. Ten died the other day. Our lives didnt change. Theirs were no more left to change. We dont care about them. Face it. We dont have a heart for these incidents. Or we merely have no time to think about the matter. Again because we are not bothered.

As I write this, it has just been a week to the blasts in German Bakery. The news about the matter has already dried out in the local newspapers. We have cricket and budget to focus upon! Newspapers are reflection of the society. They contain what an average Indian wants to read. Yes right, we did mourn. Candle Vigil by a handful of Puneites. Then its all over. I talk on account of any common man. Those whose loved ones were affected, sure do care.

So do we wait for someone close to us to be included in a list of victims? This might sound harsh but do ask yourself this question. I incurred this when I analysed the possibilities of my presence at the scene of the mishap. Not big ones that I could narrate in my 'great escapes' compilation, yet practical. This is what people love to do- Prove their luck! Anyways I am happy, because since I wasn't there, I am alive and unaffected. Thats the horror. The culprits could still be in Pune, but I have already stopped caring.

That's where the other illusion lands in. Heard these words -'Mumbai is brave' and 'Mumbai never stops'? Now thats amazing. Yes the city might not stop. But no one can connect these statements. Face it. A city has a hard running economy of its own. Daily wagers, grocers, office-goers, shopkeepers and business tycoons are all out on the roads, not to show their bravery. Infact they show their disconcern for the matter. And they prove that money is prime.

Someone might scorn and ask -So what do I do? But I would say this is a question lying far from where we stand now. We have been lying to ourselves for years. It will take time to realize the truth and come out of an unknown cowardice. Its in human gene. Our eyes see what we want to. And our mind thinks in the direction we have set it. Open your eyes, widen your mind, then act!

Saturday 13 February 2010

Music

I rest, i sleep, i wake, i work.. I sit, i stand, i walk...n stop..
I finally lay down.. on my bed.. wondering... I
I cant find my peace.. I m bored of evrythng.. I get in a state of unrest... Something that is irresistible..
My head hurts... I take deeper breath.. I need something to cling upon.. something to pacify my mind....
To prevent it from thinking at all.....Almost like I wanna givein..


Theres some music.. I hear it... I feel the music in the air..
My body not in control... But the rythm gets my faint response...
Some movements beneath my flesh...
My heart thumps.. I feel blood rush down my ears..
I hear the sound.. The doors creak.. Air gushes out of my lungs..almost missing a breath...

I sense my senses fading..I barely feel alive...
It seems gothic, but who cares, its soothing... I try recollectin my senses, but fail.. I loose to the ambient.. A drowning feeling..

Its been long Im still.. I breathe.. stable enough..
My eyes are shut..My mind just follows the music...
And I feel some life...Energetic suddenly...
I feel something imaginative.. I get my colours.. I get my peace..
I get my xcitemnt.. A refreshing feeling.. A passionate one....

I recover..
I get life..

Music.. is a safe kind of high

Friday 1 January 2010

The Truth

'Survival of the fittest'. Long been hearing this nature's practically experimented statement. Be it animals or humans, this theory has been the base of the evolution theory known to this modern world of ours.It is the same theory that relates to the fast-paced, competitive human world.


My question. The Truth. Who is the fittest? The most talented, intelligent and wise people might prove to be inappropriate and inadequate. Its the clever and smart ones.Or clearly stating, the FAKE ones. Or maybe the wise ones with latter's qualities. This world is not hard to survive,but to grow, to flutter one's wings in a desired direction IS. I might sound arrogant when I call the leaders in this race 'fake'. But they would rather themselves give reasons for this in a better way. Being fake is not at all being a criminal. But why is there need of appeasement or flattery in this world? Why isn't having potential and performing simultaneously the sole criteria to grow and succeed?

I am not questioning any law of nature, which in Ayn Rand's words is 'a thing one could not question, alter or implore'. These are the evils in the society creeping out of human greed, fear of loss; which in turn is possibly due to dearth of skills and talent. Worthy or not worthy. Like it or not.


In retrospect, the cleverer and smarter ones in the society had probably instilled this into the procedures pertaining to this society. I find it ironic why I feel least bothered each time a terrorist plants a bomb in a populated area, to kill. I dont intend to prove myself a visionary or smarter than the others. Simple and clear, this is what I felt; What I have known.

Why is there a practical aspect to every existing view in this world? Idealism definitely does not exist beyond God, if He does. But non-practical and ideal are not same in any case. But niether are real and practical. This world has no room for variations. You try to put in your views and ideas and you are proved to be pretentious- or even self-righteous.This is not a pessimistic thought. I would ask you to be 'practical' here.

I had hard time trying to swallow this in. And I am afraid I couldn't. I am talking about being original. Being oneself, the original character. A day I was struggling in the kitchen, when my mother told me simply, you don't put in masala in a plain khichdi, and nor do you prepare a curry without spices. Why cant this world be as simple as that? Why does everything need to be marketed? Rebranded to please? To appease?


Who will change this? I am no revolutionary. No. I don't wanna be. Can I just be me? I write this because I feel something is wrong out here. Many of you might agree with me, with the same questions, baffling your mind. If you dont, you might wonder if I am confused. Let me clear your confusions, I am.

Great men existed in every century. They were great, no doubt. 'Great' within those hundreds of boundations of this fake world. Famous lines- You don't change the system. The system changes you. Ironic, that this line has a potential to be a universal truth. Whoever revolted, either perished or was subdued. I dont wanna change myself. No rebranding. I'm not for sale. I choose to perish. Let me perish; into oblivion.