TEN reasons why I may turn into an ATHEIST

When I entered this world as a new born, it was all setup. People, places, religions, principles etc (etc refer to : bars, discs, strip-clubs, parliament). I started gulping the way an empty glass is filled (knowledge of course, I'm a new-born so far!). No direct experiences though. One day I learnt about the supreme power  that us lesser mortals pray, fear and respect & lie & cheat & even abuse & steal from & collect charity for & NOW even fight wars. And please! God.. if exists, is not your banker. Stop asking him for bungalows and big fat cars.
I followed all my counterparts blindly for a few years. Because I was told HE is perfect. See, if you're from some association for women's rights, neglect the previous line; and please don't jail me. SHE is perfect... too.

Good old days; me(in red) partying with God. Yeah.. we used to have a blast

But years passed, some experiences made my faith shiver. Faith in those who believed in God was gradually dying. The source may be corrupted!  Here's how it happened.


 




TEN


It was a dark night (effects, nights are always dark in this part of the world). I was sitting with my friends in a pub. Watching a football match. New in this arena. Suddenly HE entered. A creature all dressed in blue, fanning himself with what looked like a bundle of Rubles (Russian currency moron!). He booked a table by the name of Billionaire Blue, just beside us.

His eyes ran towards me, And as if his sixth sense realized I was a newbie; he approached towards me. I could see him clearly now, big eyes, chest as big as a SAMSUNG LED TV and the two trophy cases in his hand; of which one seemed untouched. He held his hand towards me to shake. Hands, you naughty naughty boy. Just than a friend of mine, heaved THIS towards me.

I ran out of the place into the dark, windy woods. Chills roller-coastering up and down my spine. I just saw a Chlesea FC fan! These creatures do exist in this universe of the almighty! My faith was badly shaken. This is how it all started.


NINE

India has produced some of the greatest musicians in the world. We have likes of A.R. Rahman in our Music Industry. BUT.. unbelievable - Pritam has fans in India. Trust me he does. And if you don't get the point I've already made, CAUTION! Here's why.

The term Music doesn't have a copyright. Thats how he named his thing Music too.
(Haha. I forgot. Pritam doesn't care about COPYrights)

EIGHT

It turns out me and my friends and my potential friends and my friends from the parallel universe are all GEEKS. We don't Party All Night. Niether do we have liquor flowing all around us. And oh yes.. We all have seen AMERICAN PIE series. O GOD.. if you're there.. you can't do this to me!!
 SEVEN

Talking of GEEKism, this was the reason why I cried alone after a movie, sitting in the wash-room in the multiplex the other day (and oh yes.. the movie was Taare Zameen Par, another reason.. they lifted my life-story!). I've been pretty active on social-networking sites lately. I have all the time in the world. Told you I don't party every day/all night.

I may use the word 'ya' for 'yes' while I talk. Same with 'yo', 'cool' or 'damn'. Words like 'dude' are found in the reputed English dictionaries (and it does not just mean a Camel's dick, so stop forwarding those messages). But there is this class of people who are the trend-setters. They have their own cult. Super-cool guys. Ask them and they'll tell you about " MAH at2de MAH lyf MAH bitch MAH a**hole" Cool ain't this? But how does it matter. I am not one of THEM :( And haven't seen these guys off the Internet either. Where do they live? No one ever figured out. The creator of this life, has been partial, for sure !!



SIX

Talking of social-networking sites, I discovered GOD has a pet name. GAWD. You can stuff as many Ws in there. How unreal. You're nickname is actually longer than your name! Sorry dude, I smell imperfection around you.


FIVE

This one was big. It was about How I met your mother (the SITCOM.. mate, relax!)The times when my faith was getting strong. Reason - Once I saw Barney.. talking to GOD (Its not just colorful, its a LINK moron!). I trusted him. Barney Stinson. Legenn.. wait for it...darryy. I read his blog everyday. The Bro Code - awesome.

But then this Robin thingy!! Barney caught feelings. Doomed. Here's where the faith turned from positive to 0 to negative.

FOUR

Existence of GOD's competitor - sachin_rt ; probably much more dependable.


THREE

 A movie named KITES was released this year. Not the problem. I never saw it. Its music was given by renowned Music Director(citations needed)  Rajesh Roshan. Before the music release, I found an article in Mirror (Not the UK one, not the washroom one either.. it was Pune Mirror) that told a story of how his nephew Hrithik loves Trance, and wanted a track of the same genre to be included in the repertoire. The article further said that Rajesh Roshan has been listening to world's best trance music (thats actually how he creates all his songs). This wasn't the painful part. Disaster struck when I ACTUALLY HEARD THE TRACK CALLED FIRE. 
 

TWO

I saw a video which was something like this.  NOOOO !! Don't click on this one! You'll blame me later on. I'll tell you, its some Justin Bieber guy crying babyy..babyyyy.


ONE
I saw this.

I just love PZ. Though I had never been relishing any thought of this kind... evverr. That doesn't mean I underestimated myself. And cruel world. I mean... Just look at this chhichhoraaa! He got PZ.. I got nuts..

THE END. (We are talking about Faith right now.. so just shut up and read below)


ZERO


Save Tigers, only 1411* left!
(Just added this in case the seasonal I-care-about-this feeling hits back after it boomed in the month of March earlier this year. If it does, this shitty piece might turn out to be the most read one on blogger\m/)

*The number is just symbolic(of the boom I mentioned),it may not be the exact count.


Important : By no means am I making a claim of being an Atheist myself.

PS    - This last image shows renowned Telugu actor Venkatesh, didn't mean to disrespect.
PPS  - No part was intended towards offending any individuals' choices.
PPPS- Clause no. 7 guys, you can take it as an offense though.

Lucknow : Contemplations of a stroller

"I'm just writing a story that I want to read"
Here's about my hometown, not just praising or scorning it. People, places or objects are not perfect; but we still love them. Nothing else matters practically. Tried to gather minute details while strolling on the streets of Lucknow. This is an account of a tiresome but cherished outing for nearly 4 hrs. Won't take you the same to join me :-)

Source: my nookiaa mobile 2MP

It starts with me standing on a blue bridge over the Gomti River. NO. Not dreaming. Checked my totem. I use er.. sorry, pretty private.  Auto rickshaw and a city Bus. Why I was here? I'm on a 6 months official vacation. I don't have to find a reason to stroll :-) It was a spontaneous decision. And I loved every part of it. Me alone. I never miss the iPod thing though. Never.(Life mein background music hota hai #jugaad)
This part of the city is amazing. Wide clean roads, plenty of places to hang out, all the killer-hotrods vrooming, and of course the river. At a short distance was the Samajik Parivartan Sthal. The same 87 crore project that went upto 500crores.(source what State Information Commission released under RTI) Whatever be the fuss over it. This day all I could say was "this is beautiful ;-)". Junta seems to have accepted what the Maharani Mayawati built for them. Some parivartan actually.

The long roads parallel to the waters. Friends in groups, small and large, by the sandstone walls facing the river; and much obvious, couples maintaining atleast 100 metres of distance from the former :P Lively place to be. The syndrome of facing the sun over the view of water had seemingly caught many. Those faces; pensive, determined and ambitious. Thumbsup to those guys. I love to be that way. And if you're lucky enough wind blowing against your face. Awesome. Openings in the boundary railings that lead down to the river, caught my sight. Scanned the area, only to spot a boy and three girls smoking down there. Geez!! Goosebumps. None of my business, but that's bizarre! hiding and acting cool. Misconceptions of a lifetime. Get a life, ladies.

A complete contrast, the road opposite has been named Marine Drive. That place, to be precise has energetic vibes. Bike-freaks with some classy stunts. Luckily it was all alive then and there. Wheelies, stoppies, burn-outs and what-nots. Audience, like myself, were in numbers. Did I say I wasn't jealous? Well, I've not yet learned to ride a bike. Hahaha. Do what you can. Some youth spirit to add to Lucknow :-) I was having a great time, just when a guy on a Pulsar arrived from the other end of the road. Panicked as he was, the only words I heard was "MAAMU". Suddenly all the bikes kicked-off and sped away. I was confused. Why on earth are the audience dispersing? Out of question! I'm not running, I decided. After all I was on a stroll! Earphones back on. Three bikers who went the wrong way initially, rode back to where I was. Real geniuses, thought that guy's maamu was giving a treat over there. Hahaha. Now, hearts in their mouths. I could see a Police Jeep following at a distance. They stopped, locked their bikes and jumped across the pavement. Hilarious. Especially after the policemen stopped and dragged those bikes, abusing loud at the top of their voices. Never heard someone utter in hindi with such passion. Everyone had run away, me the only witness. So I decided to slip out of there.

Much of happenings here. I had to hire an auto rickshaw. One auntieji and her bitia to share it with me. Tension all around. Next stop - Hazratgang. Yes. This is one familiar place. Have been Ganjing ever since I was a kid. Any Lucknowite of my age will tell you the same story. Before I could carry on walking on these streets, I decided to grab an Ice-Tea. Just love it. Headed towards Sahara Ganj, McDonald's. Its about this city. You won't find likes of Ice-Tea anywhere else. True atleast for the parts of Lucknow I've known. And FYI Sahara Ganj is a mall. And damn right, I was in a mall just for Ice-Tea.

Sahara Ganj. This must have been a game-changer for thousands of families in Lucknow, ever since it was opened in December, 2005. EPIC. I remember, being a kid I used to go out with family to visit the likes of Budhha Park, Elephant Park and many others. Changing trends, now one can see families sitting in the  "Ganj-maaal" eating Ice-creams :P This is a new kinda outing. Crowded, no doubt!! Every time, this day too. In the afternoons, another cadre joins in - the school kiddos, in their clumsy uniforms and lazily hanging school-bags. Probably attending another of their extra-class. Damn I used to hate school-uniforms! The only place I could go with them on was SCHOOL. Another set of goosebumps, had any of them been here.


Not ready for the Metro tag. Well, I did my job and got back on track.  Just outside the mall, were nearly a dozen of cycle rickshaw-pullers, looking at me with hopeful eyes. Giving them an obvious reaction - I'm gonna write about this one, you fools! The shops in the lane to the left from where I was. Updated in a lowly manner. Airtel Voucher. Vodafone New SIM @XX rs. And many more, under the same roof. A hundred n/w operator mini-malls on this road. Our country works this way. I'm a mobilophobic so I moved straight ahead.

Source: My nookiaa mobile again.

Here I was at the heart of the city (Gomti Nagar waalo, your thoughts might differ). The spirit of Ganjing took me over. This place was still the same as it had been 12 years back when I had first come to Lucknow. The Universal Book Depot , Sahu talkies, and ofcourse Royal Cafe and Nawab's Restaurant. They have all been there for years, as lively as ever before.  In fact the only piece of Modernistic architecture one can find over there is the ICICI building. The best part, on this road I didn't find any Laptop store or the generic Mobile stores. Of course there is Naza market for these.

One more thing about Lucknow that won't ever change, the presence of white Ambassadors. Anyone living in a state capital would connect with this. But as there is a Mayawati-version to everything in the city - the Mahindra Scorpios carrying BSP flags. It is annoying, the exxtraa-loud horns in ambassadors. And even the drivers of these vehicles carry the tashan that there masters flaunt. Well, that's true about Lucknow people as a whole. Wonder what Delhi would be like. I've never been there and never want to. That's out of general dislike for Delhi and Delhites (no offense unintended).


What earlier used to be depicted as a City of Tehzeeb, and the Pehle-Aap nazaakat, seems to be struggling to maintain its prestige. But the man in that small shop seemed to be quite pleasant, where I asked for coca-cola in the glass bottle. Chilling and refreshing. Paid for it and another can that I slid into the bag hanging behind me. Another FYI, softdrinks in glass bottle, plastic, cans and fountain, all do taste differently. I've had enough debates over this one :P I saw a statue of Rabindra Nath Tagore by the side. Had never noticed before! Some benefit of loitering around :-) Moreover it was comforting to see that there have been public figures in the history other than Dr. Ambedkar whom Lucknowites admire. Don't miss the n number of roads named after him, parks and now even the State Transport Bus Station. That's the harsh effect of witnessing a political metamorphosis upon a city capital.

This was the MG Road. There stood Marksmen. The yummy Chicken burger. Gone bhagwan ka aadmi a few days. NO.(if you read bhaagywaan ka aadmi) Missed the "Fast Food" part in its name. They prepare everything from the desi cuisine now. Mayfair Cinema, that told the sad story of once the best cinemas in Lucknow. Has been shut for years now. On the other side, high up above was visible the massive Cross of the Church. Beautiful. It was visible from all streches of aforementioned  MG Road. Moving ahead I crossed The Cheap Store. I'd been here before. I couldn't help noticing it. The board was still the same. PZ with a Perk XL. No other emotional crap.

Youth was out there enjoying the beautiful weather and some company. I noticed "amaa yaar" had become prominent enough to be coined the unofficial TAKIA KALAAM of the city. People told me, I never agreed before. Ego-thing. As was evident in a  short conversation between two friends (overheard, can't help it (but those men needed help for sure (Ya..Ya..I know, parenthesis suck)))

Chhaprii1- Male around 25, losing hair, but T tight. visibly gyming night and day
Chhaprii2 - Male around 25 again, long hair (seemingly Kaminey effect, resulting in a disaster), Not engaged for sure and too many rings on his fingers.

Chhaprii1 : bhaii aaj chalo tumko chiiiikan laalypop(chicken lollypop, he meant) khilaate hain (a hand up in the air - too happy with his idea)
Chhaprii2 : amaa yaar chuppe baitho yahiin, hum kahiin nai jaayenge. faam dhalne do. Okay, he said shaam
(Needless to say they had been leering at items during all this time. Cheesy)

I wanted to burst out laughing at what I had realized.

That's just one instance of what I heard on that one event. Without wondering what they'll finally do, I moved on and took out my can. NO, not the Pepsi one. My-own-personal&purchased-can of Coca Cola. I had kilometers to walk before I reach home. Office hours over, heavy traffic was on the roads. GPO clock tower - admirable. Vidhan Sabha was also on the way. No RED ALERT today. No benches came flying out of the window. Mulayam Singh must've been in Delhi. Moving on from the broad roads of Ganj, the width seemed decreasing every metre. And vehicle density increasing. Commotion enough to trouble a pedestrian. I somehow managed  to avoid making my perfect day unpleasant. Ah, here's Sulabh! NO. Not the museum thingummy.

Skipping the aahaaa part, now I was on the Aishbagh road. Had been walking some 5 kms already. Run Forrest Run! NO. Thats not what came to my mind. The Ojha Chat. Yeah, I need salts - my mind is a genius, just doesn't support me all the time. Paani ke batashe. The name questioned and voted against by many, is what we call the panipuri of Mumbai and around. Will miss this definitely in Pune. Short break and back on the roads. Now even if I stop, my legs have a pseudo-motion in the forward direction. So I didn't quite stop. Last thing I remember noticing(which practically was the only thing noticeable in residential areas) was the Kirana stores. With an exceptional rice-to-cosmetics range. Kirana store is the common noun these shops adopt; where the proper noun part can vary from Pappu to Sonu.

In the end, home sweet home. Needless to mention, the best part of the city :-) Four hours of aimless wandering on the streets of Lucknow, The Constantinople of India. Doesn't bother me though - this name; I've never been to Constantinople anyway. The spirit lives right here within me. And as I said before, perfect or imperfect. A mechanical version of a Utopian society. Man, this city breathes! NOPE again. Not pollution-free!
PS- fact check for the blind and obsessed.