The Seeker

This for a thought is no surprise. The human brain creates a defence mechanism within, mostly to hide its own shortcomings. There is a difference when you know it, such is the power of not knowing. The so called logic or philosophy we provide after an event could be a blatant lie, a lost mind providing an explanation to what is, but shouldn't be. It is our mind justifying the course of action or decision taken during that event.

Not marginalizing the possibility of searching for a PERFECT philosophy(that isn't relative), the essence does not change. Newton, you freaking genius! One theory that IS perfect. Anyway, this raises the question of believing and agreeing to a theory. One may nod his/her head agreeing to a stated philosophy in some random moment but actual implementation or realization is never guaranteed.

This leads to the purest form of search, wisdom. The search is by and for the individual. Books, philosophies, people might hold answers, but wisdom is gained. Much like having pockets full of gold and not knowing how precious it is in the market, the theories are ineffective without wisdom. Some call it happiness. What's common is reaching. Wisdom is not beyond the farthest limits of human potential, then again it is not at all a prerequisite for every life. Not the destined search for every soul. Happiness is. Being primary, look for what makes you happy.

The first years of schooling, we had a quote(from the Bible now I realize) below the school motto, too much for a 7 year old back then -

"HE THAT SEEKETH FINDETH"

1989

In the early 1980s, when a kid was born, he/she was more than just an angel to the family, a +1 to the feeding and survival expenses in the F'd-up economy that India had, **blimey! Hence there was a considerable amount of planning that was carried out before plunging into any kind of action. Not that these days there is no planning. A week ago my playful friend narrated me his recent encounter with i-pills. As I was sitting there with head-in-hands to what could have been, so much for his skank-iness; he thought he could comfort me by saying "Don't worry, this works. Do baar pehle bhi hua tha na!". You don't say. Although I am known to say things, so I suggested the couple to carry some branded anti-inevitability pills along on their Goa trip this December.

Anyways, being an '89 born I found myself to be one of those special ones who are the pioneers of liberalism. We tasted that awesomeness first! Apparently 1989 borns, in middle class families, were planned to be fitted in tighter financial and social models. Until the reforms of 1991 were brought on. The new wave of Privatization, Liberalization. Opportunities. Voila. It was a "Waah, itna sasta" moment for our parents. Quantity and quality flooding the bazaars of India. Maybe some of us donned imported, multi-colored diapers, or perhaps ate Cerelac. And that gave us some respite, and made us the spoiled-brats that we are today.

Improvement in economic structure led to better social approach. With reference to economy, availability and deflation led to day-to-day convenience. The convenience led to changes in the general mindset. These changes are slowest, as human mind is the most rigid of all elements in his surroundings. Mindset like religious hatrid, castism. With the globalisation came a sense of dwelling together. Additions like cable television meant exposure of a higher order. A petty misconception about superiority in "High Caste" foolhardy's was restrained with opportunity replacing talent over rigidity. Not that we 89s don't have haters amongst us, religion-wise. That is just the impact of higher generations' insecurities and will take time to fade away. But tolerance level has thankfully risen. Casteism, too.We had enough sense in our little heads to know why Phoolan devi existed. Caste-based narcissism also faded away like the Moochh of the 89's daddys. Then again we have "young guns" of India filled still with such sense of fake-pride, thanks to their a**-brained Mommies, but they are negligible. Atleast in social development, negligible, they are. (Oh Yoda!)

In times when a government job over an engineering degree was what our grand-parents could call sublime, especially when the ridiculous(and insensitive) model of marriage was in consideration - an orifice was created which allowed the junta to aspire; freedom to shape a career right to the top. The Corporate Ladder.

Although government-job-theory is deeply ingrained into the minds of the Mummy-type-log, the Generation X, if I go upto my parents and say I want a career in music, in a fairly realistic approach, they will listen. Then, maybe they'll decide to kick some ass or agree to my fine ass-kicking. I explained them my theory of Be passionate, or be practical. It's self-explanatory. Divide everything in your life into two parts, whether you want to be passionate or practical about it. This is no invention, this model exists in every person's life, unless they are too dull to be passionate about anything at all. Example, good people you can trust, you click with - you are passionate about - you call them friends. Assholes on the street - you get practical, get your work done and rocket-speed bye-bye! The next step is to eliminate the involvements(in order to minimize) that are unnecessary, from the practicality list. I mean, Be Practical!

Remember that?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNg-xClEnqM

That brings us to another important postulate about this generation. Free Thinking. With abundance in everything ranging from jobs, motor vehicles to underwears, the society attained the privilege of CHOICE. Choice came as a natural thing to us 89s. This acted as a foundation in our minds to foster freedom of thought. Pioneers yet again.

Everyone had started owning a cable television by then. People were done with watching Ramanand Sagar's Ramayana and B.R. Chopra's Mahabharata by the time we were born. And the likes of Zee TV and STAR TV and MTV kicked at homes after 1992. Although very few 89s I know of have escaped those epics.




1989 - Sachin GOD Tendulkar had played his debut game. Harry Met Sally was released. Meg Ryan, enough said. Sadly, it was in the 1989 season that Liverpool won the last League title. But then hope lives on, just as we do. INS Viraat was still young. Pink Floyd were together. Kurt Cobain was alive. Justin Bieber and the beliebers were not. Oh no, I'm not obsessed with her, I'm just jealous and want publicity. Boo-hoo me, yeah!




** No. NO! I "love" my country. Kind of. I just called stupid a stupid. Although I do sometimes call spade a hukum. No, I'm not calling my country stupid. It's just that other than stupid people we have had some of our economic policies so enthralling that the gap between the rich and the poor, cities and villages widened to horrific extent in India. The villages, majorly relying upon agriculture were left to pester, before the Green Revolution. By then, the cities were filled with underpaid third-tier workers, all migrants - who, to contribute, F'd up the system further with their communist union-giri. And so far I am just started. Phew.

We call it paradise..

They call it paradise, I don't know why.

Recent times have witnessed events that send the nerve-endings of the body stretching in nociception. The fate of Tutsi women in Rwanda Genocide, the Bosnian women during the Bosnian war, the Rape of Nanking, the treatment to women in the name of religion in 2002 Gujarat riots, the acts sadistic army men in Northern-most regions of India, the condition of Haryana, and the urban-most cities of India - a nation where such incidences occur every 22 minutes - these all converge to the reality. One, the general deterioration of humanity. Two, our indifference. Three, denial. 

Shame misses by many levels. And we go on with our arguments - Whatever come may, Jai Hind. Indian army, RESPECT. I'm a Hindu and my religion is superior to yours. And by the way, what those men did was needed. Those among Africans are savagic tribals. Civil War, it's ultimately for the better. War prisoners? Come on, be practical, they are a nation that has lost.

And since I talk about all this, you'll say either this is my heresy or I'm an idealist or perhaps a degenerate A-hole to be talking against my own? 

No, not animals. Animals have much more respect and dignity. We just testify the culprits' psychology - the domination. We are as responsible as any other.

Very convenient, the silence and ignorance? There was a hope that we shall one day know better. That we deserve a chance. The little good that is left in the world will eventually lose the battle - the struggle to survive. Before that happens I hope we as a race stop justifying our deservedness. This is what we have come to in time. Entropy, the level of disorder will only increase. Today we will shamefully accept another example of decline of humanity. Humanity is just a word. Adding to the entropy, we'll hold certain sects and authorities of the society responsible, based on our convenience. Convenience, the exact mechanism as to why we LIE. And lies, they form the foundation of this model we've created.

Our false paradise.

Neorealism

I exist. Align your perception with what you sense. Break through your superstitions. The making and breaking of those apprehensions occurs in the mind. Reality is not subject to fear. There's more to you. Reject the divination and believe in the true nature of existence. End this conflict with naturalness and you'll find me standing in the dense fog of conscious thought. There, I'll probably be lost, but I'll be happy. For then I'll know that I'm not the only one.

 Asato  ma sadgamaya

Not Man Enough?

I've been sitting here thinking all day. And I haven't left my place in two days. Confusion and dilemma overshadow the thinking process when it comes to my indignation. Sometimes I hate myself; that maybe I am not man enough. Not man enough - to face the wind - to rise against the drift - to go one better over my own shameless version of apathy - to fight the inhumane. It is said that one should wait for the emotions to dry out. I'm not sure I want to part from these emotions. Emotions constitute an inseparable element to a human life. Without, is what leads to such cold-blooded acts. A 23 year old girl. Being of the same age, I know what she thinks, how she plans out her priorities and what she wants from her life. Before this incident I did. Now, I can barely try to know, to understand what she is going through. I know I will fail. With that, I'll pray she survives. But I can't avoid sharing the blame. A protester's words I heard on a TV channel - Let her not become another statistic.

I am not a believer of the existing system. A system, yes. Can this existing one be improved upon? Though never seen, but can be tried. I feel that implication of law by the fear of punishment is an outdated concept. People willingly commit crimes knowing the consequences; some readily accept the penalty. A replacement if tested thoroughly can be set up. I advocate this replacement. Do I have any ideas? Not exactly. But I hope to find awakened people around with free-thought who want a change for better. Still I like to observe how the current system handles such cases.

I watched the complete Lok Sabha proceedings out of curiosity. The policy makers, no? This is no FDI,  so I expected some discipline. There were a few heart touching speeches - seemingly honest. But you could easily pick out the political gimmicks thrown by opposition and ruling party alike, trying to use this incident, turning odds in their favor. Sire, here everything is at odds. NO ONE gives a fuck. Mulayam Singh wasn't even ashamed to accept this, as, immediately, he tried to transfer the momentum of this proceeding towards his regular agenda of Muslim appeasement. I lost my patience here.

What the system can do? The Constitution of India states clearly about the Fundamental Rights - Nothing in this article shall prevent the State from making any special provision for women and children. Makes sense? Perfectly. The Fundamental Rights of these rapists, child molesters and eve-teasers are worth reconsidering. What does the term EVE-TEASING signify anyway? Why euphemisms to glorify an inhuman act?

Taking the example of this bill for protection against sexual harassment(here) in a work environment, a large section of society has always been worried about misuse of such laws. But where we have evidence or confession from the culprit, as in this case - this opportunity should be used to set an example before the general public. Yes, me and you. The society.

There's a scheme of Fast Track Courts(here) and this tool can be used to try the guilty within a short period. "Golden hours", as UK police trains their officials against rape and sexual harassment, are very crucial for evidence collection, first 24 hours. One month and a half probably for the court proceedings. As I said, the law-system makes its pupils abide by imparting fear. Once proven, make their identity public, ensuring security of their families from "the mob" first. Castration, maybe slicking off penises, and then the death sentence, public again. I am a disbeliever of "the mob" more than I am sceptic about the system. The mob is the basic reason of dis-functionality of a system. They call it a movement, but it is a composition mindless, motiveless public who blindly follow whatever route is set for them. Willingly and easily manipulated and very very impressionable. Apparently, a useless contribution to the community.

The Indian Evidence Act(here) was passed in 1872 by the British Parliament, and since has only been subject to a few amendments. It has no detailed provision for offences like rape or sexual assault. What a democracy! Looking at the other democracies of the world, they are improving upon their system with time. South Africa had made amendments in 2007. England in 2003, Scotland in 2009. USA's 1994. India's politicians are playing ping-pong over this Bill(here) while the laws continue to mock the victims. Don't believe me, just google what an eminent lady Chief Justice has to say about it. And what a politician has to say in general(Dharamveer Goyat, if you may know) - here.

Remember the shameful Guwahati molestation case? Yes, July 9. The news dried out in the media, but a verdict was out on December 7th. 11 found guilty, 3 acquitted. Also that media-boy who filmed it was acquitted. Lack of evidence, they say. I researched into details of the punishment and the charges under various sections of IPC (here) against the eleven men -
143 - six months imprisonment or fine, or both.
341 - one month imprisonment or fine, or both.
294 - three months imprisonment or fine, or both.
323 - one year imprisonment or fine, or both.
354 - two years imprisonment or fine, or both.

And these terms are not all additive in IPC. And the amount of these fines they collect are 500/1000 rupees. So, with a little amount of cash, around 5000/- that barbaric CRIMINAL might be freed off his charges, and let out back in the society. Second offence, the judiciary will wait for it. Hatred is an understatement for what I have in me right now.

I try to think beyond this system, because I can't stand being helpless. I've been vexed about this before but now my own guts scare me. People who know me know how this happened. Something I was told strictly not be proud of. And strictly not to repeat, for my own good. The Dhanteras evening of this year I will never forget. I had returned to my hometown in Lucknow. I had to change a couple of auto-rickshaws from the airport. In the second one, there was a girl who for decent reasons, had some exchange of words with the driver. The auto driver was in some mood to say the things he said to the lady. I wanted to shove those words right up his ass but at the same time I didn't.  Matter got worse, the vehicle stopped with the man posing physical threats. I knew I won't take it if it is someone I care for. So am I going to let this happen because I don't care?

Do you have to be blood related or emotionally attached to someone to prevent such a barbarous act? Human brain makes such moments huge instantaneously. Fear, perhaps. In our college days, I've seen big-assed friends turn to cold-feet before jumping into a physical brawl, with this dilemma of should I or shouldn't I. I have a thick layer of conscience and a huge moral code on top of hatrid for the system. So, I did what I had to. It eased my mind, with a sense of freedom, even though momentarily. What you approve of, or denounce, or follow - all this transforms into mere words. It sends chill down everyone's spine to think that any such a heinous thing can happen to their lot. And as soon as those goosebumps end, they are back to normal, ignorance. Kudos.

My folks say I was lucky to get out safe, maybe it won't be the same next time. They say I should mind that. Bachpan se jo seekha hai na, saala everything is bullshit. No surprises everyone I know talks to me about being practical, growing up or even that with my set of principles I can't survive in a corporate job. And if I don't move on I'm called rigid. If I point out the social wrong I'm called judgmental.

I did not choose this system. I was born into this world and the system was thrust upon me. Socially and personally. Money. Greed. Men and their motherfucking machismo. Gladly, I'm not man enough. My religion, lifestyle - everything- just thrust upon! God, if he is waiting for humans to act while that lady suffers and further prevention measures are taken - is a horrible entity - a puny social consolation. In my teenage days when actor Shah Rukh Khan used to be my idol, I remember him saying that we, the people own the country and appoint the government as an employee to run it for us. Since then I have tried to mould my thinking towards the system and tried to accept it, with no choice at all. The inhuman behavior is well within this system and a part of every civilization. I have a fair bit of understanding to realize that my acceptance is a petty act of cowardice. This, when I am at a young age with a mindset where I think I can change the world. But I have no means. No visible path. Stranded, I feel. Why? Because I'm not man enough. Maybe we are taught to grow up that way.

There is an insatiable desire to break out of all the chaos. Do whatever little is necessary for survival, and live in serenity. And seclusion. Himalayas maybe, where I see my freedom. People take charge and explain to me how seclusion isn't the right thing, that humans need to share/love/communicate to survive. I don't know if right and wrong is that simple. The fact that the society has and will continue to seclude itself from such culpable crimes, that these very people try to wash their hands off the dirt by affirming that they cannot do anything about it - is the reason that I find complexity in their "right and wrong". If you are right in walking away from the time and place where a crime is being committed, if that seclusion is justified - atleast I am not claiming to be there for the people when I am actually not. I don't know. Maybe I try to justify all this because I'm not man enough. I see what I feel wrong, looking past the complexity I mentioned, and still act like I don't care. I do care, but I don't have the courage to act perhaps. Do I justify myself by claiming that I am not a man of violence, or I hate guns? I know, to save my mother, sisters and friends I will more than just use a gun.

You are standing in the fast lane of a highway and telling me that letting a truck run you over is brave and the one way to be, while running away or stopping the vehicle is cowardice? No, running away is not being foolish and acting towards safety is bravery. Cowardice- Well, for me it's NOT TRYING.

Then again I wonder what I am up against? Human weakness, you can't fight it with a gun.

If I had a concrete frame of mind to go either way I would. If I could change the world I would. If I could run away I would.  I can free my mind by seclusion or by inclusion, the problem is choice. Being passionate about the choice I make is most important. Believing in it down to my bones. The purest form of freedom is freedom of mind. It's a bit abstract. If I can free my mind I'll know what is to be done. I'll know how it is to be done. It's similar to being in a state of Moksha, while alive. Till then I'll try not to think too deep. There's more to me than just brains. It's called Coolness.