We call it paradise..

They call it paradise, I don't know why.

Recent times have witnessed events that send the nerve-endings of the body stretching in nociception. The fate of Tutsi women in Rwanda Genocide, the Bosnian women during the Bosnian war, the Rape of Nanking, the treatment to women in the name of religion in 2002 Gujarat riots, the acts sadistic army men in Northern-most regions of India, the condition of Haryana, and the urban-most cities of India - a nation where such incidences occur every 22 minutes - these all converge to the reality. One, the general deterioration of humanity. Two, our indifference. Three, denial. 

Shame misses by many levels. And we go on with our arguments - Whatever come may, Jai Hind. Indian army, RESPECT. I'm a Hindu and my religion is superior to yours. And by the way, what those men did was needed. Those among Africans are savagic tribals. Civil War, it's ultimately for the better. War prisoners? Come on, be practical, they are a nation that has lost.

And since I talk about all this, you'll say either this is my heresy or I'm an idealist or perhaps a degenerate A-hole to be talking against my own? 

No, not animals. Animals have much more respect and dignity. We just testify the culprits' psychology - the domination. We are as responsible as any other.

Very convenient, the silence and ignorance? There was a hope that we shall one day know better. That we deserve a chance. The little good that is left in the world will eventually lose the battle - the struggle to survive. Before that happens I hope we as a race stop justifying our deservedness. This is what we have come to in time. Entropy, the level of disorder will only increase. Today we will shamefully accept another example of decline of humanity. Humanity is just a word. Adding to the entropy, we'll hold certain sects and authorities of the society responsible, based on our convenience. Convenience, the exact mechanism as to why we LIE. And lies, they form the foundation of this model we've created.

Our false paradise.

Neorealism

I exist. Align your perception with what you sense. Break through your superstitions. The making and breaking of those apprehensions occurs in the mind. Reality is not subject to fear. There's more to you. Reject the divination and believe in the true nature of existence. End this conflict with naturalness and you'll find me standing in the dense fog of conscious thought. There, I'll probably be lost, but I'll be happy. For then I'll know that I'm not the only one.

 Asato  ma sadgamaya

Not Man Enough?

I've been sitting here thinking all day. And I haven't left my place in two days. Confusion and dilemma overshadow the thinking process when it comes to my indignation. Sometimes I hate myself; that maybe I am not man enough. Not man enough - to face the wind - to rise against the drift - to go one better over my own shameless version of apathy - to fight the inhumane. It is said that one should wait for the emotions to dry out. I'm not sure I want to part from these emotions. Emotions constitute an inseparable element to a human life. Without, is what leads to such cold-blooded acts. A 23 year old girl. Being of the same age, I know what she thinks, how she plans out her priorities and what she wants from her life. Before this incident I did. Now, I can barely try to know, to understand what she is going through. I know I will fail. With that, I'll pray she survives. But I can't avoid sharing the blame. A protester's words I heard on a TV channel - Let her not become another statistic.

I am not a believer of the existing system. A system, yes. Can this existing one be improved upon? Though never seen, but can be tried. I feel that implication of law by the fear of punishment is an outdated concept. People willingly commit crimes knowing the consequences; some readily accept the penalty. A replacement if tested thoroughly can be set up. I advocate this replacement. Do I have any ideas? Not exactly. But I hope to find awakened people around with free-thought who want a change for better. Still I like to observe how the current system handles such cases.

I watched the complete Lok Sabha proceedings out of curiosity. The policy makers, no? This is no FDI,  so I expected some discipline. There were a few heart touching speeches - seemingly honest. But you could easily pick out the political gimmicks thrown by opposition and ruling party alike, trying to use this incident, turning odds in their favor. Sire, here everything is at odds. NO ONE gives a fuck. Mulayam Singh wasn't even ashamed to accept this, as, immediately, he tried to transfer the momentum of this proceeding towards his regular agenda of Muslim appeasement. I lost my patience here.

What the system can do? The Constitution of India states clearly about the Fundamental Rights - Nothing in this article shall prevent the State from making any special provision for women and children. Makes sense? Perfectly. The Fundamental Rights of these rapists, child molesters and eve-teasers are worth reconsidering. What does the term EVE-TEASING signify anyway? Why euphemisms to glorify an inhuman act?

Taking the example of this bill for protection against sexual harassment(here) in a work environment, a large section of society has always been worried about misuse of such laws. But where we have evidence or confession from the culprit, as in this case - this opportunity should be used to set an example before the general public. Yes, me and you. The society.

There's a scheme of Fast Track Courts(here) and this tool can be used to try the guilty within a short period. "Golden hours", as UK police trains their officials against rape and sexual harassment, are very crucial for evidence collection, first 24 hours. One month and a half probably for the court proceedings. As I said, the law-system makes its pupils abide by imparting fear. Once proven, make their identity public, ensuring security of their families from "the mob" first. Castration, maybe slicking off penises, and then the death sentence, public again. I am a disbeliever of "the mob" more than I am sceptic about the system. The mob is the basic reason of dis-functionality of a system. They call it a movement, but it is a composition mindless, motiveless public who blindly follow whatever route is set for them. Willingly and easily manipulated and very very impressionable. Apparently, a useless contribution to the community.

The Indian Evidence Act(here) was passed in 1872 by the British Parliament, and since has only been subject to a few amendments. It has no detailed provision for offences like rape or sexual assault. What a democracy! Looking at the other democracies of the world, they are improving upon their system with time. South Africa had made amendments in 2007. England in 2003, Scotland in 2009. USA's 1994. India's politicians are playing ping-pong over this Bill(here) while the laws continue to mock the victims. Don't believe me, just google what an eminent lady Chief Justice has to say about it. And what a politician has to say in general(Dharamveer Goyat, if you may know) - here.

Remember the shameful Guwahati molestation case? Yes, July 9. The news dried out in the media, but a verdict was out on December 7th. 11 found guilty, 3 acquitted. Also that media-boy who filmed it was acquitted. Lack of evidence, they say. I researched into details of the punishment and the charges under various sections of IPC (here) against the eleven men -
143 - six months imprisonment or fine, or both.
341 - one month imprisonment or fine, or both.
294 - three months imprisonment or fine, or both.
323 - one year imprisonment or fine, or both.
354 - two years imprisonment or fine, or both.

And these terms are not all additive in IPC. And the amount of these fines they collect are 500/1000 rupees. So, with a little amount of cash, around 5000/- that barbaric CRIMINAL might be freed off his charges, and let out back in the society. Second offence, the judiciary will wait for it. Hatred is an understatement for what I have in me right now.

I try to think beyond this system, because I can't stand being helpless. I've been vexed about this before but now my own guts scare me. People who know me know how this happened. Something I was told strictly not be proud of. And strictly not to repeat, for my own good. The Dhanteras evening of this year I will never forget. I had returned to my hometown in Lucknow. I had to change a couple of auto-rickshaws from the airport. In the second one, there was a girl who for decent reasons, had some exchange of words with the driver. The auto driver was in some mood to say the things he said to the lady. I wanted to shove those words right up his ass but at the same time I didn't.  Matter got worse, the vehicle stopped with the man posing physical threats. I knew I won't take it if it is someone I care for. So am I going to let this happen because I don't care?

Do you have to be blood related or emotionally attached to someone to prevent such a barbarous act? Human brain makes such moments huge instantaneously. Fear, perhaps. In our college days, I've seen big-assed friends turn to cold-feet before jumping into a physical brawl, with this dilemma of should I or shouldn't I. I have a thick layer of conscience and a huge moral code on top of hatrid for the system. So, I did what I had to. It eased my mind, with a sense of freedom, even though momentarily. What you approve of, or denounce, or follow - all this transforms into mere words. It sends chill down everyone's spine to think that any such a heinous thing can happen to their lot. And as soon as those goosebumps end, they are back to normal, ignorance. Kudos.

My folks say I was lucky to get out safe, maybe it won't be the same next time. They say I should mind that. Bachpan se jo seekha hai na, saala everything is bullshit. No surprises everyone I know talks to me about being practical, growing up or even that with my set of principles I can't survive in a corporate job. And if I don't move on I'm called rigid. If I point out the social wrong I'm called judgmental.

I did not choose this system. I was born into this world and the system was thrust upon me. Socially and personally. Money. Greed. Men and their motherfucking machismo. Gladly, I'm not man enough. My religion, lifestyle - everything- just thrust upon! God, if he is waiting for humans to act while that lady suffers and further prevention measures are taken - is a horrible entity - a puny social consolation. In my teenage days when actor Shah Rukh Khan used to be my idol, I remember him saying that we, the people own the country and appoint the government as an employee to run it for us. Since then I have tried to mould my thinking towards the system and tried to accept it, with no choice at all. The inhuman behavior is well within this system and a part of every civilization. I have a fair bit of understanding to realize that my acceptance is a petty act of cowardice. This, when I am at a young age with a mindset where I think I can change the world. But I have no means. No visible path. Stranded, I feel. Why? Because I'm not man enough. Maybe we are taught to grow up that way.

There is an insatiable desire to break out of all the chaos. Do whatever little is necessary for survival, and live in serenity. And seclusion. Himalayas maybe, where I see my freedom. People take charge and explain to me how seclusion isn't the right thing, that humans need to share/love/communicate to survive. I don't know if right and wrong is that simple. The fact that the society has and will continue to seclude itself from such culpable crimes, that these very people try to wash their hands off the dirt by affirming that they cannot do anything about it - is the reason that I find complexity in their "right and wrong". If you are right in walking away from the time and place where a crime is being committed, if that seclusion is justified - atleast I am not claiming to be there for the people when I am actually not. I don't know. Maybe I try to justify all this because I'm not man enough. I see what I feel wrong, looking past the complexity I mentioned, and still act like I don't care. I do care, but I don't have the courage to act perhaps. Do I justify myself by claiming that I am not a man of violence, or I hate guns? I know, to save my mother, sisters and friends I will more than just use a gun.

You are standing in the fast lane of a highway and telling me that letting a truck run you over is brave and the one way to be, while running away or stopping the vehicle is cowardice? No, running away is not being foolish and acting towards safety is bravery. Cowardice- Well, for me it's NOT TRYING.

Then again I wonder what I am up against? Human weakness, you can't fight it with a gun.

If I had a concrete frame of mind to go either way I would. If I could change the world I would. If I could run away I would.  I can free my mind by seclusion or by inclusion, the problem is choice. Being passionate about the choice I make is most important. Believing in it down to my bones. The purest form of freedom is freedom of mind. It's a bit abstract. If I can free my mind I'll know what is to be done. I'll know how it is to be done. It's similar to being in a state of Moksha, while alive. Till then I'll try not to think too deep. There's more to me than just brains. It's called Coolness. 

GROWING UP IV

It all started the in the year 7 of this nacheez's life. The time when I was enjoying learning how to pee in the hole. Long before I dissolved myself into the devoted act of kick-ass acts like saving the world, peace protests in Uganda, helping the UNO, peeking into neighbours's bedrooms at night, cleaning dog-poop off the roads etc - there was an event that shook the the world, erm!

So here I am at this kiddo'z birthday party. How did I get here? My sister's not-so-good-friend, Nikita, who had not invited me(she never even knew me!) turned 8 or something. How did I get here? I don't-a-know. Seems I was best-dressed in my favorite mickey-mouse sweater that winter. I was an uninvited guest to unknown people so un-awkardly I had no company. There were girls, too many girls. Not that I was a girl-shy-boy then, accounting to the fact that all my neighbourhood kids were girls, except the twin brothers who were cry-babies. You know, they'd lose and then cry. Pfft. Then there's an elder sister effect, especially when she is your idol, in those foolish years. No sis, you still are. So much to justify a friend-circle, phew!

Laugh all you want, but I was the rocker of the mohalla, having out-played them girls in all those girly games like Posham-pa bhai ahem-ahem..! You don't want me to name others. And all you grown-up girls, I know all your dirty secrets. Haha, crappy friends- at the age of 8-9 would talk of boys using initials - GM, AA.. shhh! Khusur-pusur that I used to hate, innate. It's not like I used to sing in the bathroom "..imagination, it is your creation.. I'm a barbie girl.." No, I didn't. NO!

Ah, back to the party. Turns out, there was one girl-friend of mine amongst those mixed-up heads. Neha. Class-mate, partner for two years running, that's like a century in friend-years. Saviour, the little girl. By then Nikita had seemingly established me as a guy-intruder in her room. She started targeting me. I swear! Then it happened. In the irritating kaana-phusi I heard the words, "Manu aur Neha ka chakkar chal raha hai".

I don't remember what questions popped up in my head at that instant, what conclusions - the man inside the boy took stand - and I started crying. I cannot recall having cried so hard EVER in my life. Not even when I was forcibly sent to school each day, and boy, I did put up some show before school! Hawww-chhii thought that I had in me, I had the whole party-junta and Neha trying to distract the cranky kid. Distract, hah! I have had utter focus since childhood, immovable.

I can recall the culprit and b'day girl, Nikita, saying, "humne inhe yahaan rone ke liye thodi bulaya hai". Instantly moi shouts, "to kya insult karne ke liye bulaya hai?" I have been this I-say-things person ever since childhood. Fair-play to people who get fed-up of me! INSULT, saala mazaak hai kya? Me and my friend. Pheww! They had to get me dropped back home with the servant I remember. Not that I missed the cake though, infact got one extra packed with me. As it turns out, my gain ;-)

The next morning, after assembly, I remember not having talked to Neha till then. She came to me and said these exact words, "Manu, don't worry. Hum kal raat ke baare mein kisi ko kuchh nahi batayenge!" Sweet, it was, of her. Love her for that.

True Story.

Each person has there own wonders to interpret. As I narrated this to a friend, with a eureka-ish look on his unshaven face, he uttered, "Boy, we are all craving to hear those words at this age". What can I say about that! I was a playboy in playgroup? Would you believe me if I say I didn't make that claim then and there? :P

The friend is convinced of my unequipped-ness of this healthy-practice-for-the-youth. He wonders will I ever? I said I would but she's got cooties. Then comes the "dude, seriously!". That somehow reminds me of Bitch, Please! Anyway, I told him I will answer him, one-fine-day.

One day I will find that one special person in my life. Perhaps a  tall, dark, handsome girl who apparently reminds me of my great-grandfather's photograph from the oldest of family album my grandfather has tried to maintain - for decades. She'll never have heard of Woody Allen or Wodehouse, and will crack jokes strictly based on double-meaning lines. I'll fall, into one of those love things. Instantly. And then, a wise human that I am, I won't rush into the act of getting married, even though I am 46 years old. Another fine day when I have sucked in all the marijuana I want to, I will marry her - in a church, just in case she wants to run, away. And then we'll get into an M.o.U of poking each other for a lifetime, little that I'll have left. Perfect at stories, I am, he says. Dichotomy.

GROWING UP III

Dreamers

The gyan-preacher within my friend
pops up his beyond his realm,
He asks me, "Are you ever serious,
Do you ever dream?"

"Where's the essence of life
in simple happiness, not keeping goals?"
Goes on- "You don't see the importance -
looking for a purpose, filling up the holes?"

Peace was threatened, alarms struck,
Precaution-first - I slipped down the couch;
Then rising and galloping in the fields of gold -
Dream, did you say? I only know, for me I'd vouch.

No Martin Luther King, but I take my little run
And then off I fly,
Up with the birds,
And paper planes in the golden sky.

And when in Amsterdam I alight,
Join a couple of friends there,
Stuff-green, brown, white; liquid- that too!
Too much Trance to share.

Then I set sail
To the shores of the Beatles-land;
Watch the final game of the already league winners,
Accolades to Stevie-G I send!

Back in my city, without me-
You know how bad the music went
coz I've been kicked out of the band, 
Sree thinks I'm too arrogant.

But what do you know,
Papon says Rahul Ram wants me to join them now;
We conduct our little jamming session
Banao banao and some more banao!

Creation within a creation?
I need a totem to keep track
Even better, I set off towards North-
Himalayas - mind you, to never be back.

God, I stumble upon - a few questions, one long debate
In my candid quest.
Is it your imperfection, or you're just having fun?
Knowing the truth, I put my case to rest.

Civilization needs me I'm told,
So for the greater good
I shed my fantasia-blend repertoire, leave the hills
The juvenile life resting upon leaves, hay and wood.

Civilization? So, after some Bungee jumping in New Zealand
And Vegas for a few stints of poker,
I head to Hollywood to meet Chris Nolan,
Learn more about the drama- the legacy that was Joker!

There I take my chances - the ultimate dream,
To salsa with Jennifer Aniston.
and just as I take my lady's hand, 
That puny friend wakes me up, the dream is done.
Damn.

Phantasmagoria? nah!

"I was the dream weaver but now I'm reborn" - John  Lennon