Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu

Thoda sa dard tu, thoda sukoon

Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu Dhima dhima jhonka ya phir junoon

Thoda sa resham tu humdam, thoda sa khurdura Kabhi to ad jaa, ya lad jaa, ya khushboo se bhara Tujhe badalna na chaahoon, ratti bhar bhi sanam Bina sajaawat milaawat, na zyaada na hi kam Tuhje chaahoon jaisa hai tu Mujhe teri baarish mein bhigna hai ghul jaana hai Tuhje chaahoon jaisa hai tu Mujhe tere lapat mein jalna raakh ho jaana hai Tu zakhm de agar, marham bhi aakar tu lagaaye Zakhm pe bhi mujh ko pyaar aaye Dariya o dariya, (dubne de mujhe dariya) Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu Thoda sa dard tu, thoda sukoon Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu Dhima dhima jhonka ya phir junoon Haath thaam chalana ho, toh dono ke daaye haath sang kaise? Ek daaya hoga ek baaya hoga Tham le, haath yeh thaam le, chalna hai sang thaam le Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu Thoda sa dard tu, thoda sukoon Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu Dhima dhima jhonka ya phir junoon

Thoda sa resham tu humdam, thoda sa khurdura Kabhi to ad jaa, ya lad jaa, ya khushboo se bhara Tujhe badalana na chaahono, ratti bhar bhi sanam Bina sajaawat milaawat, na zyaada na hi kam Tuhje chaahoon, jaisa hai tu Mujhe teri baarish mein bhigna hai ghuljaana hai Tuhje chaahoon, jaisa hai tu Mujhe tere lapat mein jalna raakh ho jaana hai!

24

Somewhere in middle of all randomness, a fickle-minded teenager is fascinated with life. A 12-13 year old, wondering about life and the general perception of an ultimate purpose. The defining moments of this marathon. And the uncertainty of it's much glorified climax. What did I want? I had no idea. All the surroundings suddenly shredded all its glitterati. The sole purpose seemed imaginary to the kid. The arduous continuity in mere living seemed listless. His banal confrontations with the rituals of the every-day-man and his rejections thrown back at him would make him crawl. The apathy and indifference would add to the disgust. The urgent need to add enthusiasm to his monotonous life was felt, which otherwise was tilting towards shaky forms of solace. There began a search for a way to pacify everything that was otherwise. The art of arbitration and seamless imagination was discovered. No better brainwave than to procreate! Who could ever outdo his enthusiasm and his excitement? Jinxed by it's own perfection, that also led to an arbit idea taking shape. It was accompanied with a simple obsession of the number 24. Motivated by the lack  of purpose.. the temptation to discontinue the vicious circle.. to fiddle with the process.. the excitement of testifying the redundancy thus uncovered.. a whim..
The idea was to stop - to end it all at 24 years, randomly. The idea revolved around a lot of positive energy and an incitement to all the frenzy and the dynamism that could exist. A whim that made no sense, but neither did anything else.

Now, coming of age, I look back and smile. Sometimes I laugh, at myself. But here's the misgiving. What do I want? I have no idea..

INNOCENCE

Let's go back to kindergarten when we loved one another, took only as much we needed, loved to share, when our friends were our only treasure, where imagination took us places, and we all believed in the "good".

JUST 17, JUST 27

17 YEARS. We all have been a 17-year-old once. We all know what extent we could stretch ourselves to. Yet most of us here confined ourselves within the self-established morality standards. I have been juvenile enough to steal candy from a shop, and not pay for a cola drink - at some age. That was irresponsible, yet we were aware of the damage. This man was too. He made his choice, stretched too far. 

27 MONTHS. That's the law. Justice. JJB was just and politically correct, shamefully. That Justice is balance is not true. Justice that ensures prevention of one second similar act must not be blind. They have to open their eyes and notice the subtle deviations in the mystics of human mind - something as vast as the universe in itself. The law must take a stand being highly dynamic and subjective rather than extracting pointers out of the objective penal codes. Let's not overrate balance and equality, the present day parameters for justice. This is not Man vs Man afterall. This is instinct vs righteousness.

27 months is a mockery at the most heinous of human acts. And that's a shame.

Hold on!

-I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

-What are we holding onto, Sam?

-That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

The Two Towers - J.R.R.Tolkien

Policing

"The nature of the crime created hype in the number of rape cases registered in Haryana", claimed the Superintendent of Police, Hisar district.

From Delhi an ACP today affirmed that the 16th December case was a "stray incident".

Similiarly, Senior Superintendent of Police, Guwahati had said that the 9th July molestation incident was  a stray incident. 

That insensitivity is too weak a word to express the disgraceful comments of these policemen was prompted by the comments of Director-General of Police, "police are not like an ATM machine which can appear at the crime scene the moment one inserts a card."

Stray incident? In Delhi alone, there were 564 rape cases in 2011 and whopping 661 in 2012, till 15th December.

Delhi Police Commissioner believes there isn't much to be ashamed about, as he accounted the increase to increase in population.

DCP, South Delhi today sounded too fascinated with her teams works post 16th December as they have now successfully nabbed all of the accused. She mentioned that people should understand and be happy about their "efforts". A press-conference to pat their own back, awesome!

There is a need to mention this. Recently, a girl who was raped in her village in Uttar Pradesh by four men, was then allegedly raped by a police officer who was handling her case, according to medical examiners.

Police.

These LAW-KEEPERS of India cannot even react properly, where they are expected to do some preventive act..

And these are just the things they say. Let's not even get started at things that do not do.

Stray Incident! Rape? What do these men-of-law want? A model of the horrific Rwandan genocide? Or perhaps the Rape of Nanking?

They should realize that they are appointed from within the system to keep a check on the crimes and keep the law and order acinery working, or this can happen to anybody.

Dated: 20th December, 2012

Conversations With God

I was looking around with my eyebrows stretched far out.

"You're trying hard to convince yourself that you aren't in a conversation with yourself"

"I am. I was. But there is something different here. Very subtle changes in the arrangements, still maintaining the chronology. This is it. This is definitely you. Unbelievable"

"Yet you are beginning to believe. How strong the same belief is, is what determines how much weight the information in this conversation carries."

"See this! One, this isn't a dream. Never this vivid, not even to a dreamer. There are no details there. Two, this isn't a psycho-babble to myself. Not just my brain. I use hyperbole like unbelievable and awesome all the time. Mostly overused. But I never instantly go back and correct myself! I try, honestly. But I am not that sharp, yet! There is certainly something external here."

"External? You are still bound in the physical aspects, even though you understand my form inseparable from your's"

"I am not physically present here. I am not consciously present where I am. Or perhaps I am not.. How did I get here, my conscious self?"

"It's for you to recall. You found me. Have your say."

"Right. There is something I have been noticing about the Nature which we, human beings usually ignore. The twinkling lights of the stars, sound of water flowing, the feeling of wind in my hair, the air I breathe in.. my heartbeat."

"The senses always work in appropriate manner. It's how the individual processes the information. Perception. Go on.."

"I had long been in quest of what the is called the question. The purpose of life. Why was I born, why this lifetime and why death? Rebirth, if one believes in it, why? Is it just a cycle, redundant in the complete chain of events or is there a purpose? The former made no sense, so I assumed each individual enters the cycle of life with their own specific purpose. And that purpose, it cannot be for the individual. It has to be for the collective good. An act that affects the individual as well as his surroundings. The society. The world. The universe."

"Perception, again."

"I couldn't contain the idea that each one achieves what he or she is meant to, i.e, without making an effort. For I've seen people being born and dying in obscurity, affecting barely handful people in their lifetime, and when their lives too end, our subject's contribution turns to null. So essentially, the purpose is to be sought after. I had no ideas. So I thought I'd just go looking, wander around, ridicule everything."

"Hmmm"

"And then these things I've been sensing, perceiving, started to take a shape. Metaphysics, I'd say. If everything we sense is a means a communication to the Nature.. the Universe.. You? Perception here ownwards.

What has been baffling me is why here, why now?"

"You know the answer?"

"If anything sustained before and after the big bang, as proposed for the creation of universe, it was a force, an energy form. That, keeping in mind the law of conservation of mass and energy. I am a huge fan of the anti-matter discovery. Anyway, if origin of everything can be tracked back to that same event, it is correct to say that energy form is the parent to this existence, everywhere. Undeniably there's something common to it all, to Nature.

Now, what if there's an active attempt of communication encrypted within these phenomena of Nature I have been observing?"

"And what if there is?"

"Then I know this isn't a voice. It is my thoughts. Words? That is how we think. I have tried thinking using colors, objects and shapes. It is slow and unrelatable. It is always some language we already know. Perhaps I am gathering words off whatever I have been observing?"



----To be continued-----

SOMEWHERE

Somewhere out there is an anomalous world beyond which there is no existence known, no codes for survival, but a true sense of being is felt; yet no solipsism and no self-absorption; but higher standards for truth. 

Certainly a better one, than this - the world where you fight for it, for all it's worth - your existence; and it is lied to, it is ignored.

Quarter Life Crisis

"When you’re losing control of your entire life it helps to focus on what you’re good at"

The more I think the harder it is to snap out of it. What. How. Why. These words are almost clubbed in my head - endless-possibilities; each time. The uncertainty is the bummer. The silver lining is that I see possibilities. Not like our young minds are most overwhelmingly fed - there's too little, and it's too scary, yonder. Never learned to listen to others, me.

The bitch is that endless possibilities carry a baggage of "maybe". And most people love to bark on it. I see people of my age talking of conformity. They talk of sacrifice as if it's a virtue. Some blindly follow. Some, they wait for time to heal. I don't understand this. But then their immovable faith in this unknown, irrational emotion is strong enough to induce a "maybe" inside me. And a "maybe not".

What if I have been living a lie? What if this is all just an amorphous figment of my imagination? There's a perfect backdrop. The world, an overcrowded box of limitations. The people, shrewd survivors, constantly tipping of you to jump off that free-rolling bandwagon. A guy who never listened to others, no? :P

Either way, the focus shifts from being a tadpole in a well and a whale in the ocean, to what actually marks the individual whale/tadpole's character. Purpose of life? No. NO! Hands up! I've given up on THAT. You can never know, not even the one's who've accomplished theirs'. The point is, whatever's done IS done. तासीर is somewhat the word we are looking for. 

I don't know what I'm good at. I think that's a part of my identity. Good at nothing. I suck, putting it mildly. A friend once remarked that we can be a fan of an action or a existence only if we assume we can't match that particular height of awesomeness. He went on, "There's an unbeatable competitive urge in our minds that plays the trick". Where you are a fan, there's no competition. I mean, yes there are acknowledgements, but honest fanship, very rare. Unless you are "GREAT". This topic arose over my acceptance of being a universal fan. Much like O+, the universal donor. Being a fan has been my identity for too long, blimey! I'm a fan of this music, that band, that footballer, the club, this food, that business-genius, that science-guy. Even friends, as I always tell them, there is that one quality that makes me go bonkers, and that's the respect part. Unnecessary to mention that without respect there is no sustainable friendship. What else could any relation thrive upon?  Love, compassion, trust -all that comes naturally, being a human being. Just be a good one at that.

What do I want? Every evening I go to the field for a run. A couple of kilometers' walk to get there. There are things I notice everyday. There's a rather popular temple on the way, always crowded. A gathering of the hungry ones outside the temple, who are in need. A gathering of the hungry ones inside the temple, who are in need for more. It's something I put on my list of brilliant-business ideas. A temple once belonged to Hanuman. Some time ago, Shani was added to the same. Apparently, the scary one and attracts most "givers". Maybe profitability wasn't good enough, lately Sai Baba was added to the collection. That one's in vogue. The faith. I see a huge bungalow with one too many cars, a drooler's paradise, that doesn't make sense to me either. People, fat cars, offices, shops whatever you can find on the streets these days, I try to make my exposure as quick and as small as possible. Once inside, all I have is a green of the field, and blue of the sky. The timing is perfect. Such that the temperatures are cooling down, and light going out. I just lie in the grass, and look at the sky. I see flock of birds flying over my head. Watching a number of birds loosely knitted in random shapes, organized to go back to their nests, very relieving. That is the best pat of my day. 

I once read a book called Avoid Boring (Other) People by Watson, the DNA god. I found his bird-watching annoyingly boring, so I'd assume it's about the feel. Sometimes I read a book sitting right in the middle. And then when I'm done running a few kilometers, sweating the lords out of my head, post the day-night transition, I lie down again and watch the stars. I often even remove the ear-pieces, otherwise in constant-ium. Everyone has by then, left. The silence, the purity, the nothingness, and the stars. THIS is magic. This is another one of my "best part of my day". Oh, I have just too many :P Music is good, to accompany all this. It's a good tool to avoid all the thinking, unquestionably the most effective drug, and I've had quite a few in my repertoire lately. But then it's not like always. I have had a tiny playlist of some 200 odd songs ever since my iPod's resurrection. Things change around us and they change us, even is a slight dent, sometimes.

So what do I want? To know this, you might think I am delusional. I've been called a loser. A discussion with my alter ego, a friend who is but precise; and I know - I want nothing. 

"Cause I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life.. Am I living it right?"

Almost Engineer

10th April, 2013. Wow. This feels different. Six and a half. I still remember those exciting first year days of macho claims of being a 25% engineer. In retrospect, I have been a 75% one - a final year student - for more time than I have lived the remaining passed duration of my four-year graduation. I have been an Almost Engineer for three too many and a half years, when today, finally, I feel what just tickles like freedom. As I always imagined it would be! Strangely, there's a silent gloom too somewhere inside me, the nostalgia of whatever was till a few hours back. I owned this. Legends will tell you. Phew. But happy is as happy gets. Visibly, as I've been popping-locking to Heartbreaker.. since evening. MJ! Reminiscences of third year madness. I am someone I don't know. I have become this pathetic form of me that just keeps moaning in nostalgia, trying to fixate life between funny days that were and friends. Not that I would go public with my MJ-ish stint, forbidden due to the unavoidable "AAAUUUU" grab of his, just feeling the lyrics.

"But everyone told me so, to stop caring about you 
and start being without you 
but I'll find a way to go and start doin' without you 
and stop talkin' about you 
and what will she say? 
She will say I was the man that got away"

"Ouch". Mixed bag. But when you're happy and you know it, you know.. you should maybe try to clap you hands! Boy! There's so much to do. And much to choose from. I don't know if we ever take rest from this cycle, infact - I have had too much rest, more than I wanted, enough to induce boredom. I guess, I fell short of ideas to execute. Meh, that was a rarity. I still feel 24 hours are way too less to execute all the things I plan in a day. But patience was running thin. For everyone around. My friend's text-back this evening "Finally, chutiya saala!" says it all. So much for missing dates for the final year practicals an year ago. Now I am informed about that schedule :P 24th April, 2012. Sachin God's bday it was! Sigh.

I don't know what I'm gonna do just now, A conference call with friends, then the Pune lot of us 'll probably be heading towards the hills, will climb some random one in the dark, wait till sunrise and then head back, just like the old days. Then I want to watch "Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar". Not that I've won anything :P Just feel like digging that one. Oh shit! Just struck. I should perhaps watch "Kabhi haan Kabhi Na" too. Long term, I'm still working on those ones. There was once a weird plan to stop at 24. Arbit!

I remember the morning 3 years back, on 5th April, when I was watching "The Book of Eli" hoping Denzel Washington to pull a Dejavu-ish miracle, when one of my teachers tried to call me with an expectation that I'd pick up, which I would have, if I ever did, instead of claiming to be a phone hater. His supposed "meeting" with the decision makers on that day - where I should have been - when he would inform me, so that we wouldn't be talking about it three years hence, rather get over with in a couple of months! Thank You sir, for believing in me, even after all this! All the ugliness in my war against the machine would have had me run away if not for the little help.

Luckily, I've never regretted. I know, how shameless :P No, I can't. That just isn't my make. I just like to narrate how funny the incidences post-that day have been. I've a lot to confess and a lot to own up. I just hope I am understood, where intentions do matter.

I lose myself in the recollections of how these last few years have been, and I know I'm gonna miss this. Strange, and bizarre. The long and arduous act of graduating, the friends, the hostel, Engineering Graphics, Pune city, the legendary moments, the epic ghanta-giri, the naach-giri, Dal-rice. The everything of it.
I can't ask for more, I won't, I've been Almost Engineer.

No more.
Shit.

Common

Wonder why they called it common cold - because this is a nasal misery too common to the human species, or because more than 100 viruses cause the same kind of symptoms to us homo-sapiens or maybe just to freeze off the panic that the very idea of consulting a physician creates? The last point won't stand for me atleast, it's been 7-8 years I last gave myself THAT torture. Luckily, I never went victim to anything much, not even the epidemic risings like Reality TV or IPL. But this khhhoold, it has consistently struck me atleast once every season, six times a year. I find one self-explanatory theory to the etymology. So bloody common.

There is a characteristic cycle to the patheticness that beckons. Day One strikes with a scratchy feeling down the throat. It's the signal, like, Oh Boy! Day Two, the little viruses party up and down your throat. "Hey, look we are tiny-winy germs..we are here to swell up your throat and make you leak slimy liquids. And even though we have remotely nothing to do with rest of your body in the later days, we give you fever and body pain now!" This day, you keep waiting for that one huge jerk of a sneeze.. but it never happens.

As if people never had a better occasion to annoy you! Come on.. you don't have to watch the full 3 hour TV telecast of a Bollywood award ceremony to come out with a conclusion that IT IS RIGGED! Most of us were at it right before you scratched your ass at the beginning of the show, some 10 years earlier. Every sound of tak-tak-tak or dhumm-dhumm is amplified to quantities you simply cannot agree to believe. Yet those sounds extract your agreement. There's nothing funny in the world anymore. Facebook, oh dear facebook! It's a weekend, and everybody's THERE. Checking-in with "The club can't even handle me right now", and hey look, you're so out of control that you use the club's wifi to update on a social site about how crazy you are, you brain-swallowing monster! Or well, let's share these pics of malnutrition-ed kids because Zuckerberg is fucking nuts. 1 share = 1dollar. Yayy, that's the way I roll, bitches! And then a pic with a sketch of a boy on his knees, crying; a broken heart in the top left corner; 50+ people tagged; and a mourning shayari.. Come on you toote dil ki dastaan! Even we didn't get a Dairy Milk each time I cried my heart out to my father! Only later I had a revelation to stop with all the begging for Dairy Milk. Crackle and Nutties - real stuff! Mazel tov.

Day Three, the morning, I find myself gasping hard for breath. Choke day. And a visit to the wash basin after completion of each sentence. Meh! Haldi waala doodh(with ginger+sugar) and Black pepper in soup are opportunistic Gods. Well, all Gods in all religions are opportunistic, to be honest. How can I forget water boils at 100degrees and that is pure nosef*** with those green liquid pills!

The state is the same, brain does not work; can't read/do anything that makes sense; every nonsense is irresistible. Total garbage, and annoyance.  Good for nothing. I did one braveheart thing to go to the movies, and thank the nature for Tarantino! And more; still as I was busy singing "Ghhhirl, you'll be a woman sooon.." there are total midair-mindf*** soundtracks in this one. "Ooo Django! you loved no one.."

I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me. Then I just smile and proudly reach for the toilet paper. Sigh.

Okay, I just lied. No toilet paper. I reach for the jet spray. I swear, I don't know how to use paper in there. Sigh.

Childhood Heroes

"He's still practicing!"
.
.
.
Two girls peeking into a dark basement would exclaim. This was a TV ad that showed a young man working on his stroke-play all by himself. I don't quite seem to remember what the brand was. But I've always admired the man.

Rahul Dravid. I won't begin without accepting that I had a man crush on him, and probably still do. Where Cricket was religion and Sachin was God, I was busy practicing square drives in the grounds of Lucknow. And that square-cut! Trying hard to exact it. The feet movement, the back-lift, the swing of the bat, even the tenacity on my face. And sweating as much! Sigh.

That square cut.

So immense was my admiration that it became visible in my timid game, as friends started appreciating my off-side game, coupled with my tendency to getting stuck on the crease. Needless to say, I considered that to be the most important skill of the game. And among other things, nothing beats pineapple jam over brown bread, yet!

I was busy collecting those "Britannia runs" before the 99 World Cup. And then that London coaching obsession! Just watch this ad, Britannia, HOW CAN YOU NOT? :P Swastha khao, tan-man jagao! Ting-ting-titing ;-) Thank You, Prahlad Kakkar!

His game was always class. For ODIs in late 90s and early 2000s, when only openers and pinch hitters were expected a strike rate of 100+, he maintained his game of building the innings in the middle overs. I mentioned strike rate because that was a time when 280 was a very winnable score. And 280 means run rate of 5.60. Later when the game changed itself and 300 turned too common, he took charge an started pacing his innings towards the end.

This catch against Pakistan still gives me goosebumps. Fans pick Jonty Rhodes for his fielding, but I found it all in my favorite cricketer. One of the best fielders at slips, his reflexes were perfection. If anyone recalls the couple of brilliant catches at the position against the Aussies! Oh!

Dravid, 191.

Only ever a controversy that took shape around this man was the ball tampering case in Zimbabwe in 04. That too, he never made a comment, and his coach and captain distinguished it as "an honest mistake". I believe them. The other being Sachin's 194 not out. Dravid was the stand-in captain for Ganguly, and the innings was declared right when the Master was on the verge of reaching a double hundred. People say it was competition, some say they it was Ganguly who prompted from inside the dressing room(he was visible from the glass). I always say I'll never understand. It was the first time Sachin reacted in a press conference, claiming he was shocked. I always look at Dravid's reaction after he got out for 191. He certainly knows what a double hundred means, as much as any other batsman. That was a sad incident, reasons behind which we'll never know. I'll willingly forget this.

T20 was a form he didn't play much. And as much as I dislike the (too)short format, I'm glad he didn't. I just pray this format does not ruin the attractive game.

As Hayden stated, "All this going around is not aggression. If you want to see aggression on cricket field, look into Rahul Dravid’s eyes"
BA DUM TSS!

On this day, 14th March, Dravid and Laxman got involved in the greatest partnerships of all time, 12 years ago.


387 minutes, 357 runs, no wicket!

I love this headline! It was a turnaround post a follow-on. It was a turn around for Indian Test Cricket, which the dejected media rejected as "ghar ke sher". I couldn't have managed a better date to lay my hands on the book I was craving for since last seven-eight months!

Timeless Steel. Proud owner!

In the times where the Sachin-s and Messi-s are worshipped, brilliant as they are, I've always been inspired by the Dravid-s and Gerrard-s. When he played his final match in international cricket on my birthday last year in January, I've felt blessed. I know, obsession alert! :P Anything, Jammy!

"When you play for 16 years, you will face highs and lows. There have been many disappointments and great highs. There is a huge sense of satisfaction that I have always given it my best shot. I have left no stone unturned in trying to become the best cricketer I can become. Absolutely no regrets"

W - Day

India's little mark on the world's social revolution, where they recognized the might of a lady named Mary Kom, the revelation of the fighting spirit within the likes of Saina Nehwal.. Simultaneously, with the outcry and supportive response against the shameless incident of Delhi, and many more.. with the outburst of general sentiment.. With that compassion to challenge the law, the system.. I hope we can really create a happier space together for those whose contribution naturally tends towards making this world a better place, my gentler counterparts. And then have enough conviction to wish you, a Happy Women's Day. 

AWARDEE

Still in the hangover of the Oscar morning last week, getting my 100% guesses incorrect this year, I never noticed destiny was waiting for me. No kidding, my drama teacher had an idea that human faces have more expressions than life has twists. Combining that with the only compliment I've ever received from a pretty lady at a party with all the dhik-chik music, much like the movies, a comment over my narcissistic singledom - I have too many expressions on my face. 

I know!

 What a golden opportunity to say, "But I was not farting!" :P If I had ever cracked that, either the joke or the expression-thingy, I've always wondered if I am the lazy-extreme who refuses to get off his ass to receive an Oscar and further deliver a world-transforming speech, ending with, "Kids, brush your teeth two days a week!" My sister, being a dentist would then give me a part of the business share. But then internet makes life easy. And inevitable that it was, I've already started collecting accolades to keep the world running. 

There's a LIEBSTER award, for outstanding contribution to study of deuterium isotope for advancement in nuclear power rescources. Or, simply because someone was kind enough to consider your blog worthy of it.  Thank You. I got both, you don't say. If you had a school friend like me who was eager enough to learn German, ahem, "Ich liebe sie" post-visiting an International Physics Olympiad, you'll know what Liebster stands for. Thank this affection of co-bloggers for a day or two we can think of ourselves as real-time writers. Hehe.

Anyway, here's the little deal. In order to provide an opportunity to show-off, and yet avoid excessive gloating by the oh-feel-my-thoughts narcissist bloggers, there is a set of questions devised by the nominator who finds you fit enough to run this marathon. Post 11 things about yourself. And 11 nominations for Liebster. That I don't read much blogs, makes that last part tough, hence I make it easy :P

And so here I am, with me :P


1. I always wanted to be an Army guy after watching Border. I switched my imaginative-career to being a Cricketer. Then Table Tennis came along. Sometimes a painter. Then a singer. In time I realized I could be the Prime Minister. Now, all I want is to be a kid again.

2. I went to an all-girls' some "Sneha Kala Kendra" during a summer vacation to learn painting & sketching. My sister and me. Sigh? Not yet. In time, I was learning to dance with a group of 15 odd girls. To kill some spare time spent otherwise waiting for the faculty. No sighs, wait for it! Soon I found myself dancing to Chhaiyya Chhaiyya in a very girly manner. The other song was Main Kudi Anjaani Ho! from some* movie, I guess. I almost killed myself :P

3. I found a 500 rupee note on the footpath once. I left it right there.

4. I found an iPod on the road, I kept it for a year. Pseudo-moralist, I call myself :-/ :D

5. A colleague of mine says I should stop cracking jokes on myself, especially the ones that depict me in lower self-esteem-shit. Sad that he'll never know what a genius I actually am.

6. I liked to sing in my own voice and scale everywhere till my voice was normal. Now I just do that in Bathrooms. I might dance sometimes, how'll you ever know? :D

7. Now I like to read myself out loud, in a crushy, heavy voice with philosophical pauses and pseudo-intellectual sighs.

8. I once jumped off the walls of my school in 6th standard, with a friend. We jumped back in immediately, everything outside felt scary.

9. I never read complete rules. Even when I do I struggle hard to follow. 11 is getting hard :-|

Well, enough not-so-much-about-me. On to the questions.


1. If you could keep just 5 songs in your iPod  which ones will you keep?

Never easy, this. I'd change that every few days. For now,

Strawberry Swing - Coldplay
Babe I'm Gonna Leave You - Led Zeppelin
Meethi Boliyan - Amit Trivedi
World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
Sorrow- Pink Floyd

2. If your house is on fire, what is that one thing you will save?

iPod.

3. Cats or dogs?
None. To own up, I'm scared of all animals. And for some reason, there hasn't been a dog(pet) that hasn't barked it's heart out at me. And cats, they have nails! Plus, it's hard to understand there expressions/thoughts, and that unpredictability.. well, SHIT!
Although it would be a fight between puppies and kittens. And puppies it will be!

4. Mountains Or Seas? and why?
Mountains. And there isn't much any reason to that except "ever since I was a kid, I..."!

5. Do you believe in destiny? One instance you witnessed it if the answer is yes.

I believe in free will, so no.

There are two ways of thinking. The sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening. It is destined to, is one. I'd rather see it as earth's rotation. It is inevitable in either case. The concept that people possess about Destiny encourages ignorance and blocks the simple idea of free-will. What's worse, it deprives me of the greatest power to humankind, to make a decision for myself. Unless I am a mutant. Well, secrets.

A couple of events we can't intervene, celestial/natural phenomenon and another person's free-will. There, knowing the reasons won't impede the inevitability, but reasoning sure is more comforting than an explanation that goes "..meant to be". Bleh!

6. If it was declared no phone week, will you survive?

I'd probably be the one to declare it. A no phone world.

7. Whats your sun sign, and do you believe in it?

Don't know! Leo in a Kundali, Aquarius by the newspapers' birth-date thingy. A friend says some sun/moon difference. Leo just feels cooler. Plus, it supports my anti-emotional, over enthu'd, dramatic self. It goes against my introversion though. Believing? I believe 500 million people belonging to the same sun sign doing the same things mentioned in a 5-line horoscope on a daily basis - if true, doesn't make much of a difference. If not, I have a million jokes prepared for that ;-)

8. One moment you could erase from your memory.

I have had a happy kinda life! Nothing specific, I'd say. Memories induce emotional response. So any memory(unknowingly) that is behind provoking my anger..

9. If you were to sell yourself(not for prostitution ) as a commodity, what would you price yourself?

Beyond my imagination. Still, let's assume a post apocalypse era, with a few thousand survivors, thus making human life rare.. and thus, precious. If the lowest selling price would be 1 acre of land (some 0.4 square kilometers) of cultivable land(again, rare) and the highest bid would go upto 30 acres, I would land up somewhere at 8-10 acres, maybe :-/

10. Have you ever read any of my articles? If yes whats your favorite till date.

Quite a few, and the favorite would be Neophytes. Or Spiritual Awakening.

11. What will you like to be in your next life? And Why?

Next life is a dubious concept. IF true. But then again - Dog. Reason is no more than I don't want to be a human. Too many responsibilities and expectations. a shorter ife span. Better ears to enjo music. And then when I shout out loud - BIAATCH - no one would feel offended :P

The Seeker

This for a thought is no surprise. The human brain creates a defence mechanism within, mostly to hide its own shortcomings. There is a difference when you know it, such is the power of not knowing. The so called logic or philosophy we provide after an event could be a blatant lie, a lost mind providing an explanation to what is, but shouldn't be. It is our mind justifying the course of action or decision taken during that event.

Not marginalizing the possibility of searching for a PERFECT philosophy(that isn't relative), the essence does not change. Newton, you freaking genius! One theory that IS perfect. Anyway, this raises the question of believing and agreeing to a theory. One may nod his/her head agreeing to a stated philosophy in some random moment but actual implementation or realization is never guaranteed.

This leads to the purest form of search, wisdom. The search is by and for the individual. Books, philosophies, people might hold answers, but wisdom is gained. Much like having pockets full of gold and not knowing how precious it is in the market, the theories are ineffective without wisdom. Some call it happiness. What's common is reaching. Wisdom is not beyond the farthest limits of human potential, then again it is not at all a prerequisite for every life. Not the destined search for every soul. Happiness is. Being primary, look for what makes you happy.

The first years of schooling, we had a quote(from the Bible now I realize) below the school motto, too much for a 7 year old back then -

"HE THAT SEEKETH FINDETH"

1989

In the early 1980s, when a kid was born, he/she was more than just an angel to the family, a +1 to the feeding and survival expenses in the F'd-up economy that India had, **blimey! Hence there was a considerable amount of planning that was carried out before plunging into any kind of action. Not that these days there is no planning. A week ago my playful friend narrated me his recent encounter with i-pills. As I was sitting there with head-in-hands to what could have been, so much for his skank-iness; he thought he could comfort me by saying "Don't worry, this works. Do baar pehle bhi hua tha na!". You don't say. Although I am known to say things, so I suggested the couple to carry some branded anti-inevitability pills along on their Goa trip this December.

Anyways, being an '89 born I found myself to be one of those special ones who are the pioneers of liberalism. We tasted that awesomeness first! Apparently 1989 borns, in middle class families, were planned to be fitted in tighter financial and social models. Until the reforms of 1991 were brought on. The new wave of Privatization, Liberalization. Opportunities. Voila. It was a "Waah, itna sasta" moment for our parents. Quantity and quality flooding the bazaars of India. Maybe some of us donned imported, multi-colored diapers, or perhaps ate Cerelac. And that gave us some respite, and made us the spoiled-brats that we are today.

Improvement in economic structure led to better social approach. With reference to economy, availability and deflation led to day-to-day convenience. The convenience led to changes in the general mindset. These changes are slowest, as human mind is the most rigid of all elements in his surroundings. Mindset like religious hatrid, castism. With the globalisation came a sense of dwelling together. Additions like cable television meant exposure of a higher order. A petty misconception about superiority in "High Caste" foolhardy's was restrained with opportunity replacing talent over rigidity. Not that we 89s don't have haters amongst us, religion-wise. That is just the impact of higher generations' insecurities and will take time to fade away. But tolerance level has thankfully risen. Casteism, too.We had enough sense in our little heads to know why Phoolan devi existed. Caste-based narcissism also faded away like the Moochh of the 89's daddys. Then again we have "young guns" of India filled still with such sense of fake-pride, thanks to their a**-brained Mommies, but they are negligible. Atleast in social development, negligible, they are. (Oh Yoda!)

In times when a government job over an engineering degree was what our grand-parents could call sublime, especially when the ridiculous(and insensitive) model of marriage was in consideration - an orifice was created which allowed the junta to aspire; freedom to shape a career right to the top. The Corporate Ladder.

Although government-job-theory is deeply ingrained into the minds of the Mummy-type-log, the Generation X, if I go upto my parents and say I want a career in music, in a fairly realistic approach, they will listen. Then, maybe they'll decide to kick some ass or agree to my fine ass-kicking. I explained them my theory of Be passionate, or be practical. It's self-explanatory. Divide everything in your life into two parts, whether you want to be passionate or practical about it. This is no invention, this model exists in every person's life, unless they are too dull to be passionate about anything at all. Example, good people you can trust, you click with - you are passionate about - you call them friends. Assholes on the street - you get practical, get your work done and rocket-speed bye-bye! The next step is to eliminate the involvements(in order to minimize) that are unnecessary, from the practicality list. I mean, Be Practical!

Remember that?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNg-xClEnqM

That brings us to another important postulate about this generation. Free Thinking. With abundance in everything ranging from jobs, motor vehicles to underwears, the society attained the privilege of CHOICE. Choice came as a natural thing to us 89s. This acted as a foundation in our minds to foster freedom of thought. Pioneers yet again.

Everyone had started owning a cable television by then. People were done with watching Ramanand Sagar's Ramayana and B.R. Chopra's Mahabharata by the time we were born. And the likes of Zee TV and STAR TV and MTV kicked at homes after 1992. Although very few 89s I know of have escaped those epics.




1989 - Sachin GOD Tendulkar had played his debut game. Harry Met Sally was released. Meg Ryan, enough said. Sadly, it was in the 1989 season that Liverpool won the last League title. But then hope lives on, just as we do. INS Viraat was still young. Pink Floyd were together. Kurt Cobain was alive. Justin Bieber and the beliebers were not. Oh no, I'm not obsessed with her, I'm just jealous and want publicity. Boo-hoo me, yeah!




** No. NO! I "love" my country. Kind of. I just called stupid a stupid. Although I do sometimes call spade a hukum. No, I'm not calling my country stupid. It's just that other than stupid people we have had some of our economic policies so enthralling that the gap between the rich and the poor, cities and villages widened to horrific extent in India. The villages, majorly relying upon agriculture were left to pester, before the Green Revolution. By then, the cities were filled with underpaid third-tier workers, all migrants - who, to contribute, F'd up the system further with their communist union-giri. And so far I am just started. Phew.